Archive for February, 2010

How To Deal With Being Dumped

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Falling passionately in love with someone is one of the most exhilarating feelings, as if you had wings and you are flying high in the sky, feeling the wind romantically blowing through your hair. And usually, when love ends, it feels as if you’ve been dropped like a rock in mid-air. You scramble to grab a hold of something … anything, as you witness your body falling at great speeds, and then shattering on the earth below.

Whether we’re talking about breakups, or facing the reality of a one-sided romance, it is painful. So much so that it disrupts our normal flow of experiences, causing us to not function normally.

With so much emotion invested and our identities tied in with these experiences, it’s no wonder that this is the number one topic requested by readers. Over the past year, I have regularly received email from readers sharing their own takes on painful breakups; tales of guilt, of fear, of regret, and of resentment. Although the stories were different, the underlying message was universal and one in the same, “I am in so much pain from not being with this person – what can I do?”

Sometimes, the pain of lost love is so intense that it can shake our beliefs about romance and relationships. When these emotional bruises are not understood and have not healed properly, they become invisible baggage that drag with us into the next relationship. This article focuses on the healing process from “love lost”.

Personal Story: The Gift of “Love Lost”

I categorize myself as a very passionate and emotional person. I cry easily at movies and at the sight of passers-by with physical disabilities. When I love, I give it my all, and when it ends, the pain of feeling abandoned can become overwhelmingly and cripplingly intense.

In fact, my journey into personal growth began when I was confronted by a painful breakup five years ago. Out of despair, I had picked up a copy of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People – the only personal development book I had heard of, at the time. Although I would recommend a different book now for similar circumstances, at the time, this book introduced me to new concepts that helped me make sense of my emotions, and I was hungry for more.

Over the next few years, it was through dealing with recurring relationship issues that I experienced several rewarding revelations and was able to trigger several major growth spurts in my own self-improvement. While these emotionally-infused episodes of “love lost” might have seemed unbearably painful at the time of happening, they were also the catalyst for personal growth, and played a critical role in my becoming a more wholesome and complete person.

The Origins of Love and Pain

Before diving into the practical how-to of healing, let’s first look at what love is, where it comes from, and why we experience so much pain when it ends.

Photo: melissa

I believe that love is a universal energy infused in all forms of life. It is something that lies within the core of every one of us. When we are in a state of conscious awareness, the intense feeling of love and connectedness is clear and undeniable. When we are in this state of clarity and inner peace, our thoughts and actions are based in love and truth.

Within the depths of our souls, we are all connected by this unifying and essential energy of life – love. We occasionally experience glimpses of this deep connection through various and accidental happenstances, such as:

A gratifying and intimate conversation with another person. Sharing and expressing your thoughts honestly and openly.

Creative expressions such as playing music, writing, drawing, dancing, cooking, designing or even computer programming.

Meditation, prayers or communing with your chosen religious group.

Communing with nature during a hike, a walk or while sitting by the bed of a river flowing beautifully in front of you.

During sexual orgasm (The Dalai Lama has written about this.)

When we fall in love with another person, we are essentially experiencing the love that was within us all along. The person is merely acting like a mirror reflecting our soul back at us. Technically, we can’t “fall” in love, because we are already made of love. The other person, much like a musical instrument, is the catalyst allowing us to recognize the beauty that’s already within us.

Because of our lack of understanding that love resides within us, and that we actually have the power to invoke it on our own, we credit it to the other person for giving love to us. This feeling is so strong and extraordinary, that we become addictive and possessive. We want to capture it and keep it fixed, so that we can – at last – keep this heightened feeling forever.

The desire and dependency to keep this form fixed, becomes a source of self identification that artificially justifies who we are as physical beings. We become attached to the fixed idea of how our relationship should go and our ego quickly becomes the main investor in this fund of a relationship.

The truth is that, everyone and everything is in a constant flow of change. The changes in us and in our external circumstances are inevitable and undeniable. When we change, the dynamics of our relationships change – not just romantic ones, but also friendships, family ties, and our relationships with co-workers.

Over time, some relationships strengthen and some grow apart. When people grow apart, it doesn’t mean that either one of them was a bad person, but rather that they’ve learned all that they needed to from the other person, and that it’s time to move on.

When it’s time to move on, we hold onto this invisible box that contains an idealized and fixated form of how things should be. We unconsciously and instinctively fall into the false believe that we must stop the love when we are no longer romantically involved.

Because we attribute love as being ‘to’ this other person external to us, pain happens when we forcefully try to kill the love, which is actually within us.

Let’s repeat: Pain happens when we forcefully kill the love that’s within us.

When we forcefully try to kill the love within us, it physically feels as if someone has stabbed a knife into our heart, and a sharp pain surfaces in our chest area. In reality, we are that someone doing the stabbing, because we are trying to sever our innate connection to love and our Soul is now bleeding. Our Soul is crying for help, asking us to stop the stabbing, to stop the pain.

A Love Affair & Emotional Freedom

“When it comes to love,
you need not fall but rather surrender,
surrender to the idea that you must love yourself
before you can love another.
You must absolutely trust yourself
before you can absolutely trust another
and most importantly you must accept your flaws
before you can accept the flaws of another.”
~ Philosophy: Falling in Love

My preferred suggestion to healing from love lost is the same as the one for finding love: to love yourself, first.

In previous relationships, we probably depended on our partners to make us happy, to make us feel special, to make us whole and complete. Our self-worth may have been wrapped up in how much attention our partner gave us. This is a ‘lose-lose’ formula that works against our personal happiness, because it relies heavily on external circumstances beyond our control and is not sustainable in the long term.

Truth is, nothing external to us can give us the security we need. Only we can give that to ourselves, by loving and accepting ourselves completely.

By learning to love and appreciate ourselves, not only do we free ourselves from the chains that keep us in pain when a relationship ends, it also makes us more attractive to the outside world. Even when you don’t explicitly speak about it, something in the grace of your movement will spread that message to others, like a summer breeze softly blowing the scent of a flower to neighboring plants.

7 Tips for Healing

Photo: tatar job

1. Letting Go

What would you do if your house was burnt to the ground, and everything you owned was destroyed? I’m sure you’d be frustrated and angry at first, but at the same time, no amount of anger will undo what has been done. It is what it is. Your best bet is to begin moving on, and working towards creating a new home.

Similarly, when a relationship ends, you’ll want to practice letting go and allowing the healing process to begin quickly.

If you were on the receiving end of a breakup, do not dwell on whether the person will come back or not, if they broke up with you at one point, chances are, something is wrong with the fit of your partnership, and you’ll be better appreciated elsewhere, with someone else. Even if you and the ex get back together, it is unlikely to last (from my experience).

Trust that everything in the Universe happens for a reason, and it benefits everyone involved in the long run, even if the benefits are not yet clear. Trust that this is the best possible thing to happen to you right now, and the reasons will become clear in the future.

2. Release Tension and Bundled Up Energy

We all have the need to be understood and heard. Whether we’re on the receiving end or the initiating end of a breakup, we often carry with us the tension and any unexpressed emotions. We can release this extra energy by:

Talking about it with a friend.

Voicing our opinions honestly and openly with our ex-partner, which have been bottled up in the past.

Punching a pillow and crying freely for 10 minutes

Screaming out aloud and imagining unwanted energy being released with your voice (seriously, I’ve done a meditation that incorporated this, and I instantly felt better).

Writing in a journal (more on this later).

Exercise and body movement.

Meditating.

3. Love Yourself

The practice of loving yourself is the most important aspect on the road to personal happiness and emotional stability. I’ve personally had my most valuable personal growth spurts during the period when I vigorously worked on this aspect of my life.

I did everything from cooking myself fancy dinners, to spending every Sunday on my own doing the things that I loved, to taking myself to Symphonies, to taking overseas trips on my own. Each one had its own challenges and confronted my beliefs about loneliness. Through overcoming the fear of loneliness, I experienced deep joy all by myself. It was so gratifying, refreshing and empowering.

Here are some ideas to cultivate the art of loving yourself:

Take yourself on romantic dates as if you were on a date with another person. Put on nice clothes, maybe buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to something delicious, and take long walks under the stars. Whatever your idea of a romantic date is.

Look at yourself in the mirror. Look yourself in the eyes. Smile slightly with your eyes. Practice giving gratitude to what you see. You don’t need words. Just send out the intent of giving an abundance of love to the eyes that you see, and feel the feelings of love within you. As you are looking into your eyes, look for something you admire about your eyes – maybe the color, the shape, the depth, the exoticness, or even the length of your eye lashes. This will be a little weird and uncomfortable at first, but just trust me, and continue with it. Do this for a few minutes every day.

Sit or stand in front of a mirror, or sit somewhere comfortable (mix it up, and do both on different days), put both hands on your chest and say to yourself, “I love you, “. Repeat a few times, slowly. Continue with qualities you like about yourself, or things you are good at. Be generous and list many, even if they sound silly. Example, “I love that you always know how to make your salads so colorful and appetizing.”, “I love that you have the discipline to go to the gym regularly, and you really take care of your body.”, “I love that you are so neat, and can keep your desk so organized.”

Practice doing things on your own to challenge your fear of being alone. For example, if you have a fear of eating alone in a restaurant, go out to a restaurant on your own. Your mission is to find the joy within that experience.

4. Love Your Ex-Partner

Allow the love within you to flow. Try practicing forgiveness and open up your heart.

Over the past few months, my friend Tom Stine and I have been chatting about the topic of overcoming breakups. Tom had been married for 13 years and went through a divorce that took him 2 years to emotionally recover from. When asked about how he got over his ex-wife, he had a few snippets of wisdom to convey:

“I let myself love her. Even when it felt like my heart was going to break. Adyashanti says something amazing – when people say, ‘My heart feels like it is going to break.’ He says, ‘Let it break. If you let it really break – really, really break, it will transform you.’”

“LET YOUR HEART BREAK WIDE OPEN. Let go of every possible belief or thought that says your ex is anything other than the most incredible, amazing, wonderful person in the Universe. You gotta love them and open your broken heart, WIDE OPEN!!!! That’s how to get over a break-up, really get over it. Anything short of that is not gonna do it.”

“The key for me was getting utterly clear: we are apart, and the Universe never makes mistakes. We are over. And I can still love her. That was HUGE. I can love her with all my heart and soul and we never have to be together. And when I realized that, I felt amazing. And still do. The freedom was great. I could finally own-up to how much I wanted out of our relationship. All the hurt and anger disappeared. I was free.”

The underlying message of love in Tom’s words is pretty clear and powerful.

Photo: tatar

5. Give it Time

It takes time to heal. Be patient. Give it more time. I promise the storm will end, and the sun will peak through the clouds.

6. Journal Your Experience

Spend some quality time in a comfortable chair, at your desk or at a café, and write your thoughts and feelings on paper. No, not typing on a laptop, writing on paper with a pen. Follow your heart and flow freely, but if you’re stuck, here are some writing exercises you can do:

Drill into the why – Start with a question or statement, and continue to drill into why you feel that way until you have a truthful and satisfying reason. The exercise isn’t to issue blame or blow off steam at someone else. It’s meant to gain clarity and understanding into how you feel, so you can alleviate unnecessary pain. For example, you might start with the statement, “I am in a lot of pain, ouch!”, and your why might be “because she left me”. Now ask yourself, “why does that hurt so much?”, and one possible why might be, “because I feel abandoned”. The following why to “why does feeling abandoned hurt so much?”, “because it makes me feel alone”, etc. More than likely, the real reason has something to do with our own insecurities or fears.

Finding the Lessons – What did you learn from the relationship? What did you learn from the other person? How is your life better because of it? How will your future relationships be better because of it?

7. Read Something Inspirational

Books that deal with our emotions and ego are incredible tools at a time of healing. They help to enlighten our understanding of ourselves and our experiences.

Here are some recommended books:

The Power of Now

You Can Heal Your Life (Illustrative Edition)

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

Parting Words

Socially, we view the end of a relationship with a negative connotation and give it the label of a ‘failure’. Just because a relationship has ended does not mean that the relationship was a failure. Both parties likely gained something substantial in either learning about themselves or for the benefit of future partnerships.

“Every relationship will end someday, whether by break-up or by the death of one partner. Relationships have cycles. They are born, they live, and they die. Just like every part of life. It is merely a part of life.”
-Tom Stine

Capture the beauty of time shared together, and note the valuable life lessons learned. Be thankful for having experienced love, and know that you are a better person because of it.

No challenge is ever presented to us, if we are un-able to handle it.

For those currently in relationships, cherish and honor your partner for who they are as form and formless Beings. Accept the reality that life is full of change, and dance with the changes and challenges as they come. And when they come, view each one as an opportunity for personal growth – when you do that, nothing is lost.

All is well, and so be it.

** What are your experiences with dealing with breakups? Any words of wisdom for others going through it? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comment section. See you there!

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Tips For Keeping Your Sexting Subtle, Not Slutty

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

There is a still as yet unknown secret that many individuals should consider joining in on. That secret is the subtle art of sexting. Foreplay has evolved in the new era. Long ago people would send letters to each other all across the world to keep in touch and keep their passionate home fires burning when they were separated from each other for a time. When the telephone came onto the scene sending messages slowly became less prevalent as more and more people purchased phones and began to talk directly to each other. With the advent of the internet, however, messaging once again began to grow in interest and usage. Instant messaging begat cyber-sex. This begat sexualized texting on cell phones. This evolved into the phenomenon known as sexting.

Sexting is sexually charged texting that can be done with or without a known partner. An individual with another human being on the other end of a dialed cell phone is the only true requirement to sext. However, beyond that there is a level of technique and flair that must be a part of any sexting session to keep it from going into the realm of the slutty and whorish while having it remain in the area of seduction and sensuality.

Be Gentle It’s Your First Time

Anyone who has not sexted before, has not yet sexted with a particular partner, or has little experience and needs a few pointers should consider paying attention now. The truth is that sexting is entirely a game of the mind. There are no pheromones or adoring looks involved. There is no subtle or in-subtle body language to read. The only way to communicate is through the sexting itself or via quickly taken photos to show your mood.

When first beginning to sext many people, especially teenagers unfortunately, go overboard and begin to send messages that detail exactly what they would do to a person in graphic and sometimes disturbing detail. When pictures are involved it can become even worse.

To assuage this issue take things slow and do not graphically detail anything at first. The best policy is to be cute and funny with a slightly sexual overtone.

Example

Kimberly K. has a guy she likes and she wants to let him know she’s interested but he’s very popular and she doesn’t feel confident in her ability to actually convince him that she is destined to be his everything. Her weapon of choice to try and prove this is her cell phone since she doesn’t trust herself not to act like a complete and total botard in his presence. They begin sexting after she someone convinces him to give her his number in some manner.

Her desire to convince him leads her down two separate paths. One path has her leaving messages in the order of “Oh hey .. do u knoe wut I wan do 2 u?” Jason, the object of her obsessions, replies “Uh.. no.. what?” Kimberly then proceeds to explain in detail about how she’d be happy to swirl her tongue around his penis like a slippery love serpent or something similar. She is correct in believing this will get his attention. There is no doubt that a few minutes of talking like this will guarantee that Jason will desire to come give her that good lovin’ she desires. However, he stops talking to her after they have wild passionate sex a few times. He’s no longer interested. Kimberly is broken hearted and possibly pregnant, or at least quite sore.

Her alternate path would have had her admit that she had thought about him a few times and she might have said something like, “U know what would look good on you?” and Jason would reply, “No What?” Kimberly would have followed this up with “Uhm..Nothin..”

Jason would have entered manly pervert mode but Kimberly would have skillfully deflected his come ones by teasing him a little and promising nothing. In short, she would have gotten him hot and bothered but he would have to work hard at it before he would get up in her proverbial Kool-Aid. The end result here is that they date for about a year and occasionally have sex before they break up. While some would prefer a story book ending life is not a fairy tale and they had some good times but were too young to be ready to commit for life. Either way neither of them thinks that the other is a slut and a friendship might continue after this with the occasional late night booty call just to pass the time. As most people know, everyone on occasion needs a little “something something” to pass the time.

A Few Important Rules

To be more specific on how not to sound slutty while sexting; remember three important rules.

1) If you would not say it in person then you should not say it in a sext. This will keep you from getting in over your heard or possibly ending up upside down then crying the next day about how much of a dirty “ho” you are. This is just as true for the guys who need sexting advice by the way.

2) If you don’t know their last name then they don’t need to know how you look naked. This rule means that you should take your time when sexting and actually try to learn a little about the other person. Your suggestive sexts will work a lot better if you know enough about your partner to keep them interested without promising to go all naked reverse cowgirl on his wriggle stick. Again this can be good advice for some guys as well.

3) You might have to talk to your mother if she calls. This rule means that no matter how hot and bothered you get there is always a chance someone is going to call and need to talk to you. If you’re busy talking about being split in half you might feel too ‘dirty’ to say hi to your mother or other people of interest in your life. To keep this from being an issue simply dial down the sex and turn up the flirtiness. Cheesy pick-up lines can be fun too, but generally only if you are charismatic and lamp-shade them a bit (admit they are cheesy lines and laugh with your partner at your dorkiness) it may endear you to the other person without being compared to a doorknob. A smart sexter does not want to sound like everyone has gotten a turn.

Lance Siewert

Lance Siewert is a freelance writer, dating guru, and owner/operator of DatingSite.org, a site dedicated to the best dating advice and dating website reviews available online.

Samuel Beckett as an absurd dramatist

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Samuel Beckett as an Absurd Dramatist

Samuel Bracelay Beckett (1906-1989) is concerned as one of the leading dramatists of the post-modern era. He brought revolutionary changes in the standards and rules by which a drama has been appreciated from many centuries and introduced a new kind of drama that Martin Esslin labelled under the title of ‘The Theatre of the Absurd’. The theatre of the absurd presents the anxiety of man that arises from the fact that he is surrounded by the areas of impenetrable darkness. In this chaos, he will never be able to know his true nature and purpose and no one can provide him the ready-made rules of conduct to follow. Marking the difference between a good play and an absurd play, Martin Esslin opines:

If a good play must have a cleverly constructed story, these have no story or plot to speak of : if a good play is judged by subtlety of characterization and motivation, these are often without recognizable characters and present the audience with almost mechanical puppets; if a good play has to have a fully explained theme, which is neatly exposed and finally solved, these often have neither a beginning nor an end; if a good play is to hold the mirror upto nature and portray the manners and mannerisms of the age in finely observed sketches, these seem often to be reflections of dreams and nightmares’ if a good play relies on witty repartee and pointed dialogues, these often consist of incoherent babblings. (21-22)

     Beckett’s canon of drama is large and varied. He had written two mime plays, six radio plays, one movie, six television scripts, one actorless play and seventeen dramas with speaking actors on the stage. His long series of dramas are collection of jewels in the storage of literature. About his interest in plays Bair says: “It was like a game for him to put speeches on paper, envision the way characters should move and speak – all within the confines of the printed page and his mind. It was much like chess: plotting moves, foreseeing changes and intellectualizing interactions.” (381)

     His first output for stage was an unpublished historical play named Human Wishes. It was planned to be a four act play that discussed the life of Dr. Johnson. After another unpublished play Le Kid his pen lost its fluency on papers due to war. Immediately after which he provided Elutheria which was thought to be elaborated in three acts but never felt the presence of theatre. His masterpiece Waiting for Godot gave him a distinctive voice as a playwright. It came with two acts as Beckett suggested, one act would have been too little and three would have been too much. The play was severely criticized but its depth and its uniqueness were recognized. It is a play about two tramps waiting on a country road for unknown Godot who will reward them for their waiting at the rendezvous. 

After this, Beckett abandoned stage for many years and indulged in translating French version into English. But the notoriety of Waiting for Godot enforced him to write something new and the fruit came in the shape of radio play named All That Fall, followed by Endgame. All That Fall took him into the new world of radio, a different medium but with day to day characters. Endgame presents claustrophobic set, the terminal situation and characters of unidentifiable origins. The play began with the thought of two acts but the interval was deliberately dropped as Beckett thought there was no structural justification for it. There is an ordinary family with everyday quarrels and attachments. The catastrophe of Endgame led Beckett to write down a mime play – ‘Act Without Words’ that presents a mute figure who is struggling to learn the futility of motion.

The experience of mime and radio play inspired him to write Krapp’s Last Tape in which a tape recorder recalls the image of radio play and Krapp’s lonely figure resembles to the image of mime. It brilliantly conveys the agonising poignancy of decrepit old Krapp’s lost to his middle aged self. With the exception of Happy Days that demands interval for technical reasons of planting Winnie in the ground, all his plays since Krapp’s Last Tape are pictured in one act with single scene. Other radio plays such as Embers, Words and Music and Cascando removed all the fog of challenge for Beckett in this media and he moved to film with Film (1965) and television play Eh Joe (1966). He searched affinity with the informality of the small screen and the feasibility of using the camera.

     The invention of new technique of using theatrical space is witnessed through Happy Days (1961), Play (1963), Come and go (1966) and Breathe (1969). Happy Days displays how a woman is engrossed by her grave. This play depicts the courage of human race, who in spite of all disasters, welcomes death happily. Happy Days prepared platform for Play, if the reader/audience can accept a woman buried to her neck under scorching sun, they can easily welcome three urn bound figures with a spotlight. The marriage of Winnie is followed by a love triangle in Play that presents the non- realistic vision of hell where three died persons are suffering the torments for their misdeeds. They are narrating what has happened to them long ago swiveling by a spotlight. The innovation is marked in the twice repetition of the whole play they have just run through. Come and Go and Breathe reduce drama to a very shot length. Come and Go ends only in three minutes and shows the circularity of time during such a short span of time. Breathe presents the brevity of life just in thirty seconds. It presents just an inhalation and exhalation on a bare stage.

His later plays seem to be the study of meaning of theatre – about co-ordination between character and background, light and sound, words and silence. His next play Not I (1972) shows this co-ordination in which light beam and buzzing become the part of discourse. This ten minutes monologue with a spot – lit female mouth against a dark stage recalls the image of Play. Mouth is narrating the story of a woman who finds herself in a limbo to be punished for some unknown sin. It is a challenging play for an actress who has to articulate so rapidly as to be barely comprehensible. That Time makes its existence in 1976, and presents a lit face with three pre- recorded monologues by the same actor. Footfalls presents the slow voice story of a woman and her daughter. The television plays Ghost Trio, ….but the clouds…. and Quad are added in the store of his dramatic canon.

In his last period plays became occasional that were written for specific reason or event. In 1982, Catastrophe supported the Czech dissident Vaclav Havel and A Piece of Monologue gave chance to David Warrilow whose acting had impressed Beckett. His next play Ohio Impromptu staged two identical characters with a book. One of them leads the play and another remains a mute listener. Even in his last days, his plays were inventive and unpredictable. Nacht and Traume televises a dream and his dramatic career was graved with What Where (1984).

     His plays seemed to be esoteric in the beginning and a flurry of articles and letters were written after the first performance of Waiting for Godot. Critics tried hard to interpret his plays but none of the interpretations either Christian or mythological or otherwise fit all the facts. Beckett remained silent and did not confirm a particular explanation. Leonard C. Pronko has acknowledged his talent and comments:

Only the most crassly insensitive person could fail to feel intensely the essential meaning of Beckett’s work. And if he is wakeful he will comprehend the basic dramatic situation, and the issues involved. Beyond this may be “headaches” for the overzealous analyst. (36-37)

He has given imagery not interpretation and now it is up to audience/reader how he interprets the network of his plays. Eliopulos supports this view when he says “the impact of Beckett’s plays lies not in what they say to the world but in what they do to each spectator. Beckett has prepared an “experience” and personal reactions to any experience must be varied.” (33) Originally written in French most of his plays are translated in English by Beckett himself. He also assisted directors of his plays in the setting of stage dimensions. The combination of writer and director made his written text alive. He described each and every physical action if that is not implicit in the speech and recurring pauses and silences mark the rhythm of speech. This contact enables him to be more economical in the use of both language and scenery. He eliminated everything that is of no use for the image he wanted to portrait. The plays of Beckett display most of the features that Martin Esslin has defined for an absurd play.

‘Plot’, a string of events which are well organised to achieve particular aesthetic and artistic effects, finds no developing events which could lead to finale in Beckett’s plays. He had freed the genre form compulsion of two-three hours performance and effectively presented tauter, tighter and polyphonic dramatic structure. In absurd drama, action does not move from one point to another as in other dramatic conventions instead it builds up the concrete and complex patterns of poetic images that the play reflects. The spectator has to wait for the gradual completion of this pattern because only after that he can view the whole image. The completion of image leads him to explore, to ask questions and to search out what the play exactly means.

In Waiting for Godot, until the second coming of messenger boy, the audience/reader is not sure that he is visiting a play which will never end. This kind of drama creates a higher level of dramatic tension and provides more relief when satisfied. It is irrational to argue that to construct irrational poetic image of absurd drama is easier than to build up a rational plot because there is an immense difference between artistically valid nonsense and just nonsense. There is always the presence of reality itself while creating a realistic plot. While in absurd drama, the author requires the capacity to invent images and situations that have no counterpart in nature. He has to establish a new universe with its own logic and rules which should be intelligible to the audience. Mere combination of irrational images without any logic will merely produce banality not a work of art. The author has to realize the fact that only incoherent fragments of reality are not sufficient but the ability to transpose them into valid imaginative whole is equally essential.

     Beckett was well aware of all these facts and constructed his plays very carefully. In the traditional plot there is a beginning, middle and an end but Beckett’s plays lack such development. There is no sequence of events or resolution of some problem but a static situation in which nothing happens. All the plays documented in Beckett’s canon have circular structure. In Waiting for Godot, the frequent closure followed by a new opening rejected the idea of definite end of the play. The second act seems to be identical to the first act only with slight variations. The second act displays no solution of the problems of tramps and the play ends suggesting infinite series. The end of the second act may be the beginning of third, leading to fourth and fifth act and so ad infinitum. Endgame deals with the same situation when Clov tries to close the action by borrowing traditional form of theatre finale-‘song’- he is stopped by Hamm with the command, ‘Don’t sing’ and the play moves on and ends with the same situation in  which it begins, giving the idea that it may begin again with the same routine. The twice repetition of Play clearly indicates its circularity. Beckett’s plays are presenting the miseries of life, man’s fight for existence and as far as these problems persist how can there be an end of Beckett’s plays. At the end of the play audience/reader’s mind always trouble about whether it is a proper end or more is going to happen.

In traditional plays, there is a tendency that the spectator identifies himself to the ‘actor’ who is performing on the stage. The theatre of the absurd successfully presents such characters whose aim and action cannot be imitated. The audience cannot identify himself with the characters who seem to be mere puppet. To communicate mysterious action and nature of real condition of man, the dramatist introduces less human character because only through him that he can freely express his views without binding himself in the chains of logic. Beckett’s characters are hardly recognizable. Albert Cook says, “Beckett’s people are negligible and identification with any class of people less than mankind in general.”(qtd. in Eliopulos 116) His characters do not preach moral and philosophical views. They are not directly drawn from the realistic world but are highly stylized one. They are living in irremediably immediate present without having definite plans for future and for whom past is a source of happiness but not achievable again.

 From his first published play Waiting for Godot to his last What Where, the image of man is shown in a declining way. Beckett from the beginning has presented the illusion of character in the form of character then dissolved the audience’s belief in the authenticity of the human image. In Waiting for Godot, the validity of the presence of Vladimir and Estragon is in doubt, when the second boy messenger denies to recognize them. In Endgame, the confusion to distinguish when Hamm performs himself and when he assumes a role diminish the sense of his presence as a human image. In Krapp’s Last Tape, he removes the presence of second person and substitutes him with a tape recorder. This play is a breakthrough in which a single character is doubled, and then trebled by mechanical invention of magnetic tape recorder. Happy Days picturizes a middle aged woman gradually consumed by a mound of earth. Till Not I, the presence remains only in the form of mouth who cannot speak the pronoun ‘I’ and presents herself in third person. The evidence of the person who belongs to the text oralized by mouth is not given. Play is staged with three urn bound faces and the series of declining image of human race goes on in Beckett’s plays. Guicharnaud opines about Beckett’s characters:

The characters in Beckett’s theatre are constantly caught between their own clumsiness and the resistance of objects, including their own bodies. Shoes that are too narrow, hats too small, car doors too low, windows too high, prostate conditions, haemorrhages, itching… Beckett’s universe is on of perpetual irritation. (116)

 Not only this, almost all his characters are suffering from physical deterioration. Estragon has hurting boots and Vladimir has paining shins. Hamm is blind and cannot move. Clov can move but cannot sit. Nagg and Nell are legless and kept in ashbins. Winnie is absorbed by earth and all the three characters in Play are caged in urns. Another distinctive feature of his characters is that they have mirrored number of alphabets in their names with contrasted characterization.   

ESTRAGON       POZZO      HAMM      NAGG        WINNIE

VLADIMIR         LUCKY     CLOV        NELL          WILLIE

This style runs in three of his major plays that the characters linked to each other have name of same number of alphabetic structure. But their demeanour is contrasted as Vladimir seems to be tolerant and intellectual type, Estragon is quick tempered and intuitive sort. Pozzo, the master of the whip, commands Lucky – a passive follower who carries former’s luggage. Like Pozzo, Beckett has set off erudite talented Hamm against Clov who parrots him. Nagg is an affectionate husband and Nell is an intelligent lady who cherishes memories. Winnie is full of life and cannot remain silent. On the other hand, Willie is introvert and speaks only few words during the whole play. In his later plays he generally removed the names of characters and assigned either an alphabet like in Play – M, W1 and W2 or just mentioned the part of body like in Not I – Mouth. Thus, Beckett has experimented with the concrete image of human actor on the stage. His characters make their entrances and departures upon the stage of life, verbalising tales full of sound and fury.

 Absurd drama deals with sombre and violent ‘subject-matter’ yet the failure of identification with characters leads it to the comic theatre. Thus it transcends the category of both – tragedy and comedy, and makes a combination of laughter with horror. It does not present some social facts, morals, political behaviour or examples of historical events but a universe- disintegrated, meaningless that has no unifying principle – an absurd universe. Beckett started writing in a world in which there is no unity, clarity, hope, rationality and where man feels himself all alone, stranger to everyone. These experiences led him to ask about the authenticity of his existence. His main concern is with human impotence, his identity, his limitations and value of his existence. He himself admitted, “I am working with impotence, ignorance. My little exploration is that whole zone of being that has always been aside by artists as something unusual – as something by definition incompatible with art.” (qtd. in Eliopulos 31) His plays present images of entropy in which the world and the people in it are slowly but inexorably running down. There is abiding concern with death and dying.  Death as an event is presented to be a desire of man but ultimately impossible whereas dying as a process is shown to be our only sure reality.

Beckett realised that he could make an expressive use of existing treasury of ‘music’ through the genre of drama. Mihalovici has described Beckett as “A remarkable musician… He possesses an astonishing musical intuition… That I often used in my composition.” (qtd. in Mercier 145) There is always a touch of music in his plays since Waiting for Godot. But the real stars sparkled with his radio plays that reminded him of the possibilities of music. Waiting for Godot comprises the round song of Vladimir and the free verse speech of Lucky’s monologue. At the beginning and the end of the play All That Fall, the music of Schubert’s ‘Death and The Maiden’ is played on an old gramophone. In Happy Days Winnie plays Waltz Duet “I love you so” from ‘The Merry Widow’.

The real triumph of music over words can be observed in Words and Music. Music is presented as a small orchestra that can be heard tuning up as the play begins. When Croak gets fed up with Words’ pseudo – scholastic analysis, he invites music that supplies appropriate soft tunes over the ‘Audible groans and protestation’ of Words. In Cascando, music plays the role of third character. “For Cascando… it was not a matter of a musical commentary on the text but of creating, by musical means a character, so to speak, who sometimes intervenes alone, sometimes along with the narrator, without however merely being the accompaniment for him.”(ibid, 146) In short, music has become synonymous with emotions for Beckett. It has softened the tiring and boring atmosphere of his plays. Hamm might have checked Clov from singing that will lead to finale but Winnie has closed Happy Days with a song.

Spectacle or scenic effect has much concerned with stage craft. While there used to be decorated stage in traditional plays Beckett had omitted every unnecessary prop from the stage. Stage is not crafted as a garden or a palace but barrenness occupies the stage of Beckett. Light is assigned a signified role that controls and compels characters to speak. From Classical to Elizabethan drama, plays were staged in architectural spaces. With the help of language, a playwright can develop the literal and imaginative significance of the scene. The arrangements are established for entrances, exits and an emblematic image that could be referred as a palace or public space. The audience perceives the perception of characters about scenographic image as well as creates his own conceptions. Beckett had eliminated the scenic details and confined the action in a specific context that may lead to an affirmation of the possibility of knowledge.  In plays like Footfalls where the vocal quality, dramatic posture and emotional intensity can differ from production to production, every stage should be settled with original lightening concept, costume design and even the area of movement are blocked through the map in the text. Beckett creates non-specific settings that separate his characters from any social boundations. He is picturising the generalised human condition with barrenness of the stage space. He may not specify the restrictive environments geographically or historically but he does not forget to clarify the boundaries with the suggestion that his protagonist cannot cross it because outside it is death.

In good literary theatre piece, ‘language’ is a predominant factor. Language is the main source of reflecting the thoughts and actions of the characters. There is a breakdown of language in the communication of the characters in the theatre of the absurd. Its main aim is that language must reveal authentic content rather than concealing it. This can be done only when man will leave the ossified clichés and steps further towards living language. Absurd drama introduces new dimension of stage by using the language of a scene in contrast to action, by reducing it to verbal nonsense, by expressing thought through poetic logic of association and imagery instead of discursive language. Some space is provided by theatre to the dramatist that is filled by visual and audible images. Beckett fully supported this view and possessed the capacity to express visually the silence on the stage.

Beckett’s plays are centre of language which accepts its own degradation. Dramatic speech in Beckett’s drama possesses the fundamental level of action. It is not subordinate to gestures, movements and setting. For the first time in Beckett’s play silence and abstraction are presented not as subsidiary but as main part of speech, the content of drama, and the constitutive elements of dramatic language. Beckett is conscious about the relationship between the object (Theme) and the mode of [removed]Language). He regards latter the container of the former, foregrounding the comic absurdity of the dissociation into two non-interacting elements. Language, for Beckett is not a self sufficient tool to express concepts and themes in dramas, it needs the support of paralinguistic and non-linguistic features. The capacity to speak even when the whole body is reduced to head protruding from a dustbin is the main dimension of Beckett’s theatre.

     The language of his plays is theatrical that is making efforts to break the logical sequences and association to communicate the fluidity of consciousness. Beckett’s awareness that communication is not possible lies in the belief that absolute meaning is absent from the world. So language in the form of communication becomes private in lack of any absolute external criteria. Beckett takes special care of syntax and vocabulary. His new words and ambiguous syntax are counter-balanced by simple sentences and day to day life vocabulary. If some parts of his plays are unintelligible like Lucky’s speech in Waiting for Godot, other parts can easily be digested as the verbal ping-pong of Vladimir and Estragon.

    To sum up, Beckett’s celebrated presence is felt not only on the French scene but throughout the international literary community. He has become one of the first absurdist playwrights to win international fame. In 1969, he received Noble Prize for literature, one of the few time of this century that almost everyone agreed that the recipient deserved it. He continued to write till his death in 1989 and towards the decay of his life, he felt each word to be an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Works cited

Bair, Deidre. A Biography: Samuel Beckett. London: Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich, 1978.

Eliopulos, James. Samuel Beckett’s Dramatic Language. Paris: The Hague, 1975.

Esslin, Martin. The Theatre of absurd. New York: Doubleday and Company, 1961.

Guicharnaud, Jacques. Modern French Theatre. New York: Yale University Press, 1961.

Mercier, Vivian. Beckett/Beckett. New York: Oxford University Press, 1977.

Pronko, Leonard C. Avant Garde: The Experimental Theatre in France. Berkeley: University of California Press, 1962.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                           

Dr. Nidhi Agrawal

How do you like my story plot? help last bit?

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

ok. here goes, i hope you like it.

Ella moves from the city to the coast, and she finds the coast very relaxing and she strangely feels at home. she lives a normal life with her mum,(who looks nothing like her) and her dad died before she was born.
she goes to school and she and her new friend Evelyn find a sort of beautiful garden which has 3 ponds with water statues, a mermaid, a fairy and a witch. all are very beautiful…but the only one tht works was the mermaid.
they sort of get sucked in and it turns out to be the entrance to the mer land, and from the mer land you enter into the fairy land, and from the fairy land you enter into the wizarding land.
Ella finds out she was the daughter of a half mer half fairy lady, and a full wizard man. so shes all three races, fairy mer and witch. shes the only one in the whole world to be like this, so she immediately is wanted by the wizarding world, fairy world and mer world.
But, the wizarding world stopped communicating with the fairies a long time ago. there was a prophecy, tht when a 3 raced child is born, all three races will unite and be happy….
how can i make all three races have a war over Ella? should i change anything….what should the conflict be? the climax? helpp i have writers block
umm ok theres more, sorry you have to read so much.

Ellas mum had a relationship with a wizard (a hot one too) and the fairies hated it… would be shocked to see ellas mum with a baby.

so she took a potion to be a human for 2 hours and left the mer world and dropped the baby off at a ladies house.

im planning to reveal there identity after the peace comes back between the 3 races so ella can be with her parents happily again. ot should they be dead?

i want ella to live mainly in the fairy land.
ok then no war….but then what complication? i mean i dont want her to turn stuck up…no way thts not her personality. um…im really stuck. um…k maybe ill make her stuck up……and then make her realise tht shes not all tht, and then come back to her shy, kind uniqe personality.

GOODLIFE INTERVIEW WITH eVa

Sunday, February 21st, 2010

GL: First of all I need to tell you that you look great. Tell us about this new look?

eVa: (laughs) Well, thank you for the compliment. What can I say? It’s new… a lot of things happened that brought this on. First of all, I was going through a phase and I just needed a change of some sort to remind myself that I was still alive and relevant, secondly, I was about shooting my second video- MY JUNGLE and I needed a bad ass look because I take this music career seriously, if I have to shave my head and eyebrows to bring out the beauty of a song, I will do it. I mean, that’s what we are paid to do right? Anyways, I went to my darling ‘fairy godmother’ as I have grown accustomed to calling her; Aunty Ireti Doyle and she took me to Bobbys (the hair stylist) and vuala…

GL: Yea… I believe we saw the whole transformation on TV, how did you feel?

eVa: Truthfully? A bit embarrassed. The whole of Lagos saw my hideous face when Bobby was cutting me (laughs)

GL: It looks good on you though

eVa: thanks a bunch

GL: Your man must have been excited to see the new you right?

eVa: Next question please (smiles)

GL: (laughs) okay… we will come back to that. So tell us about the album…

eVa: The album is called SHADES OF GRAY and it is a 15 track buffet. That means it is an all you can eat. there are diverse types of genre in there from techno to Soul to R&B to Rock to Hip HOP but each genre has a touch of Soul in it. That is the genre that is pretty predominant in the album.

GL: I have often wondered, why artists don’t just stick to one genre. Why branch wide especially when it is obvious that some of them can’t keep up?

eVa: Well, I can’t speak for them but I can speak for myself. Sometimes I have so many ideas in my head and I just want to put it out there, who knows, you might be surprised at the feedback. I also listen and watch a lot of music channels and so… my head gets filled to the brim with different types of sounds and it would be nice to be viewed as an artist who is pretty versatile. I really hate the status quo and the tags they give artists and I really really hate being compared to any other person

GL: Some people would take that to mean you are a proud person.

eVa: I am a person of pride but I AM NOT a proud person. I am proud of the gifts and talents God has given me and I am proud of the people in my life… I am proud of what I do… so… if that makes me proud… I really don’t know what to say to that

GL: Let’s get back to the album SHADES OF GRAY… what was the inspiration for that title?

eVa: The kind of musician I am is one of Inspiration. i love to inspire people into the next best thing in life, into the next greater level of thinking… of loving… of believing… of living. I mean… I have been a victim of frustration, betrayal, lack, a broken heart, robbery, car accidents… you name it and I have managed to rise above it not because I am better than people who can’t find their way out of the dark and into the light but because I had a truth to live by, folks to rely on and family who prayed for me… I came to understand that Life is not always black and White, its not always wrong or right… there are some grey areas here and there that we just can’t understand, grey areas that make us break down at night and cry, grey areas that make us doubt ourselves and the world we live in. it is to those things I speak to in the album. The album also showcases pieces of me and some of those grey areas I have been through in my life, if you know what I mean, one moment I am soft and all cuddly like a teddy bear and the next, I am aggressive and taking life by the horns, the next I am a love struck sob and so on… the title is also a kind of play on words as well because if you think about it, I am being managed by a company called GRAY TIGER ENTERTAINMENT LIMITED and so it’s like telling people, eVa is one of the many shades of this company.

GL: Tell us a bit about yourself

eVa: Hmm… Campaign after election (laughs) after you don ask me the koko you don forget say you no collect my credentials… interview is over… I don vex (jokingly makes to leave)

GL: no vex my sister… no vex

eVa: My name is Evaezi… I was born on the 13th of July 198… none of your business. (Laughs) i am an indigene of Delta State, I am Isoko to be precise. My father is a fantastic Engineer, his name is Engr. Chris Ogoro and my mum is… well… was a civil servant. She retired a few weeks ago. I am the fourth out of Five Children.

GL: Did you say Ogoro? Are you by chance related to kingsley Ogoro, the film producer?

eVa: Yes I am, he is my paternal uncle.

GL: As I recall, you had a song released on his label last year right?

eVa: Well… it was about 2 years ago. The song was titled “NO CRY”.

GL: So what happened?

GL: Are you no longer on his label?

eVa: I was never signed on to his label… it was simply a training ground for me and I am deeply grateful to him for the lessons I learnt there with him Dr. kola Munis, Sammie Okposo, Nkiru Njoku and the the rest of the Kingsley Ogoro Productions crew. When the time came, we both realized that I had to go out and make my own name. I didn’t want to go around riding on his credit, I wanted one of my own… you know. So this little bird had to grow her own wings and learn how to fly.

GL: And how has it been thus far?

eVa: Hectic… but definitely worth it. When you go through stuff you get to develop a sense of self worth. You look around you and feel proud of what you have accomplished because you took that leap. You see… some people don’t know what we go through to be seen and heard. Why do you think people like RMD, D’Banj, Kingsley Ogoro, Funke Akindele and the rest of them are being celebrated today? I love my parents for one thing; they stood behind, beside and in front of me. they prayed me through the initial trying phase and then my manager, Ataga Gray… I really don’t know what I would have done without him… as well as my other friends who contributed and encouraged me to this point. Please don’t mind me… I am practicing for my speech at the Grammys in the near future. (laughs)

GL: What are your fears about this album?

eVa: No fears… I have come this far…. 2 years no bi beans o… haba! No fears… I am here not for the commerciality of it… that’s my manager’s job (laughs) I am here to give people hope and that can never be lost or broken by whatever fear or insecurities I or people generally might have. There is a message in me for everyone who has been in my shoes, who have loved, lost, been frustrated or whose about giving up on himself or herself or whatever situation they are in and … don’t let me start preaching for you. I think you get the general idea (smiles).

GL: Yes! Speaking on love and lost… tell us… you are a very pretty lady, what does your man think about you being in this industry? Are there ay insecurities on his part? Surely you are aware that there are only a few women who can boast of their morals and integrity… is he not scared that you won’t be packed with the rest and one day, your story might be splattered all over the tabloids?

eVa: First of all, I hate tags. Secondly… momma didn’t raise no fool… that is not to say that the other ladies are fools but… if you don’t want to be accused of stealing the meat in the pot, don’t go near the kitchen. Thirdly, I have folks who watch my back and keep me in check, my manager is like an older brother to me… he nags about… well about everything (laughs) and my mum is a praying woman so… I can’t escape the eyes of the Lord, if you know what I mean, fourthly… people must talk. You could be on your own and they would still talk.

GL: You still haven’t told us what your boyfriend thinks.

eVa: O boy… forget that one… abi you wan toast me? Why is the press so excited about love and sex? na wa. You guys have been watching too many ‘Second Chance’ episodes

GL: You sound like a gospel artist… are you?

eVa: I hate tags. I wouldn’t say I am a gospel artist but I do have gospel influences in all I do. I am church bred… thank you mama (blows kisses). I believe a lot of the answers for what we are seeing all around us lays on the inside of us… all of us. It’s like connecting the dots… we all make the bigger picture, not just you and not just I. That is why I am doing my part to help my fellow man… the younger generation deserves better than this… don’t you think? We deserve better than this.

GL: Asides singing, what else do you do?

eVa: My dear I do a lot o. Over talent wan dey worry me sef. I am the editor for a soft sell magazine called CELLULOID, it’s new, I am a training sound engineer; I mixed and mastered a few tracks on my album. I teach… I love to teach… um… I am into events and decorations. I am also a writer, a copywriter, I am into productions… I have done quite a number of Jingles in the past, some we still hear today… I am gradually delving into movies.

GL: WOW! Does your uncle have anything to do with that?

eVa: No… This one is all me. I love movies. When I was in school… UNILAG, I helped a friend of mine who was studying Theatre Arts in his 300 level to direct a play. I wrote and directed the play and he scored really high for it… so that flare has always been in me.

GL: What did you study in UNILAG?

eVa: English (Arts)

GL: Tell us about your MY JUNGLE video

eVa: Well, Ataga (My manager) and I were thinking up concepts for the video. We had really wild and crazy ideas and we were thinking of the best person to call – Clarence peters, Dj TEE and the likes and we just went… ‘what is this song really talking about?’ it’s talking about the life we live in the Music Industry… basically it seems glamorous but it really is hard work and not as glamed up as most music videos today will have you believe… so we decided to do it ourselves. I was the locations manager and co-director while He was the director as well as one of the camera men. It was just a simple in-house thing … it was basically a ‘Hey… this is real life in the music Industry; behind all the effects of the bling bling, this is it! Right here… no long thing!’ Besides, it was only fitting, especially since the concept of the song was his idea. I just put the words.(Laughs)

GL: Do you have any favorite tracks in the album?

eVa: How evil can you be? you can’t ask a woman to choose from her kids? you should be hung

GL: Any plans for the album launch?

eVa: Well… I am not the album launch kinda gal… but we are planning towards a command performance where people will get to see the crazy and artistic side of eVa. I plan to redefine stage performance in Nigeria with this command performance, so… stay tuned. It’s gonna be a blast.

GL: Any Collabos?

eVa: Just a few. I believe that in an artist’s first album, he or she should take the time to find his or herself… his or her own voice. Let people familiarize themselves with your sound. It’s the best. I had only Konga, Shogon (one of my producers), Benny P and Kani on this album.

GL: What about producers?

eVa: Well, I worked with TIMSONIC, JOKAYNIE, WOLE ADESANYA, INI D’ MINSTREL and DARE. I also had the opportunity of working with my dearest friend ad mentor in matters of engineering, BOLAJI ONISIWO, KAYODE, TUNJI ALAYO and fellow musician KANI.

GL: Who are you looking forward to working with on your subsequent albums?

eVa: Hmm… Nyanya of Project Fame… I really do think that boy has talent, he has that fire to take music to the next level… I haven’t seen that in a while. He also has a winners spirit… besides… he’s kinda cute (laughs), M.I and Jesse Jags definitely… M.I has nice flows and I love the tone of his voice… I think it’s sexy in its own way; Jesse Jags has amazing flows as well as lovely melodies. Um… those are the folks I can think of now… will flash you the rest (smiles).

GL: One last thing… what should we expect from you in the near future?

eVa: Expect me to make Nigeria proud and to be a source of Inspiration to people around the world. That is definite.

GL: Thank you

eVa: No… thank you GoodLife.com.ng

Goodlife

Goodlife Promotions is an internet Adverising and online magazine, for more entertainment news, visit www.goodlife.com.ng

Who sings that X-Mas song ” Its the most wonderful time, of the year”?

Sunday, February 21st, 2010

I want to find that CD, is it by Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole? Its a personal classic. Who performs that? It also has the background music sounds like (ding…dong…. ding… dong… by a chorus…sea..son of all….therll be scary ghost stories and tales of glory from christmas’ long long ago…..) THAT ONE.

Story plot? ratings please, help with last bit?

Saturday, February 20th, 2010

ok. here goes, i hope you like it.

Ella moves from the city to the coast, and she finds the coast very relaxing and she strangely feels at home. she lives a normal life with her mum,(who looks nothing like her) and her dad died before she was born.
she goes to school and she and her new friend Evelyn find a sort of beautiful garden which has 3 ponds with water statues, a mermaid, a fairy and a witch. all are very beautiful…but the only one tht works was the mermaid.
they sort of get sucked in and it turns out to be the entrance to the mer land, and from the mer land you enter into the fairy land, and from the fairy land you enter into the wizarding land.
Ella finds out she was the daughter of a half mer half fairy lady, and a full wizard man. so shes all three races, fairy mer and witch. shes the only one in the whole world to be like this, so she immediately is wanted by the wizarding world, fairy world and mer world.
But, the wizarding world stopped communicating with the fairies a long time ago. there was a prophecy, tht when a 3 raced child is born, all three races will unite and be happy….
how can i make all three races have a war over Ella? should i change anything….what should the conflict be? the climax? helpp i have writers block

umm ok theres more, sorry you have to read so much.

Ellas mum had a relationship with a wizard (a hot one too) and the fairies hated it… would be shocked to see ellas mum with a baby.

so she took a potion to be a human for 2 hours and left the mer world and dropped the baby off at a ladies house.

im planning to reveal there identity after the peace comes back between the 3 races so ella can be with her parents happily again. ot should they be dead?

i want ella to live mainly in the fairy land.
ok then no war….but then what complication? i mean i dont want her to turn stuck up…no way thts not her personality. um…im really stuck. um…k maybe ill make her stuck up……and then make her realise tht shes not all tht, and then come back to her shy, kind uniqe personality.

Girls/Guys…Not so Fairy Tale Love Story…What should I do?

Saturday, February 20th, 2010

This is going to be really long so please if you are going to say mean things about it being long don’t bother reading it.

This is where it all stared……

About Five years ago i met this guy online (AIM) we talked everyday then we started to talk on the phone. He lives in California and i live in Florida. We talked for about 2 months before deciding that we would concider ourselves a couple. We dated for over two years. We kept good to our word we never cheated and we spent most of our days talking together. I was so in love i couldnt stand not being able to hold him and feel his warmth.

Finally summer came and i was going on vacation. Every summer i spend a week in St. Augustine at a bed and breakfast and this summer i wanted him to meet me there so we could finally meet. I asked him everyday and he said he didnt know. He would just have to take off work. But finally when it came to the day he said that he couldnt go. Did he not want to go, or could he not? I asked him about it all the time and he decided that we should stop talking after 2 1/2 years he just wants to leave.

So we split……

A year later i met this guy he is amazing we have been together for almost two years, we even bought a house together. But i still cant stop thinking about my ex in California. I called him the other day i couldnt stop thinking about him. We have been texting for 3 days now. I dont know what to do i am still in love with him. but i love my boyfriend right now.

Today…..

I asked my ex in California if i could come see him this weekend i want to take a shopping trip and i wanted to see him. My mind thinks that if i get to see him i will finally know what i want. But again he said that he doesnt know, just like a couple of summers ago.

I know that i will not do exaclty what people tell me to do its up to my heart but i want peoples opinion…Please i really need help!

Thank you So much!!!

Nontraditional Therapies To Help Someone With Alzheimer’s

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Conventional treatment for Alzheimer’s disease focuses on medication, emotional support, and forms of behavior modification to help a person remember better and cope with everyday activities. Here are some additional forms of therapy that have also been found useful for people with the disease. You can find therapists who provide such services or adapt them for use at home.

Note that no therapy of any kind has been found to reverse the effects of Alzheimer’s. But it’s possible to slow its course or simply improve the quality of life for someone battling the disease.

As many pet owners will attest, just being around an animal can have a soothing effect. This is the idea behind pet therapy for people with Alzheimer’s disease, who are at particular risk for anxiety and depression. In this kind of therapy, the pet’s human companion introduces the animal — whether it’s a dog, cat, guinea pig, or other domestic pet — to the person with Alzheimer’s and helps the interaction go smoothly and safely. These visits generally occur in nursing homes, adult day centers, and hospitals, but of course the idea can be used in the home as well.

The benefits of pet therapy include lowering anxiety and stress, encouraging communication, improving mood, and lowering blood pressure. People with Alzheimer’s may feel especially comfortable with a pet because it lets them interact nonverbally.

What you can do: The person you’re caring for probably isn’t capable of looking after a pet, so it’s not a good idea to run out and buy her a kitten unless someone is available around the clock to provide its care. But even pet therapy that doesn’t involve direct contact with pets — bird-watching and looking at an aquarium — seems to have positive effects. Research funded by the Pet Care Trust, a nonprofit foundation, and conducted by Purdue University, found that Alzheimer’s patients provided with aquariums gained weight (indicating better nutritional intake — people with Alzheimer’s often have trouble eating adequately) and showed less aggression. Try setting up an aquarium or bird feeders outside a favorite window view.

Whether spiritual activities include prayer, religious services, or visits with someone who offers faith-based counsel, they have a therapeutic effect on many people with Alzheimer’s disease. Spirituality and faith offer stress relief, hope, and reassurance. Some studies have found that people with probable Alzheimer’s who have higher levels of religiosity show slower rates of mental decline.

What’s more, religious participation usually involves regular events, rituals, or traditions. Repeated over the years, these memories tend to be wired more fixedly in the brain of someone with Alzheimer’s. That’s why someone with Alzheimer’s may find religious or spiritual activities comforting and easy to follow. These activities also offer an opportunity to socialize and bond with family, friends, and members of the community.

What you can do: Make provisions for the person in your care to continue attending her routine religious services as long as possible. If her behavior is erratic and sometimes disruptive, see if a “quiet room” is available. (Usually used by mothers of young children, this spot is helpful for people with Alzheimer’s, too.) Try going to early or midweek services where attendance is lightest.

Consider other things that may nourish her spirituality, too. For some people, that’s a walk in the woods, looking up at the night sky, listening to classical music, or meditation.

If you’ve ever found yourself singing a pop song you haven’t heard since high school — and knowing the lyrics — you have some idea of the power of musical memory. Someone with Alzheimer’s might not remember breakfast, yet the lyrics of old favorites from 50 or 60 years ago may be at the tip of her tongue.

Listening to familiar music is both enjoyable and comforting. It can relieve stress and anxiety and improve mood. People with Alzheimer’s often “open up” and start to clap and sing along. In group settings, music may prompt listeners to reminisce about their past and interact with one another. At music therapy programs in adult daycare or assisted living facilities, caregivers may arrange live performances or music with dancing, which has the added benefit of encouraging exercise.

What you can do: Select music carefully, and stick to what you know your loved one likes and enjoys. (If you’re not sure, look for CDs or old LPs of tunes from her 20s and 30s, when almost everyone is most attuned to popular music. You may even be able to borrow some from the library to try them out.) Playing music during meals may improve appetite, and calmer music played before bedtime may help her get to sleep more easily and agreeably.

Some people with Alzheimer’s enjoy making music. Many children’s musical toys are appropriate without seeming juvenile, so look for maracas, tambourines, xylophones, or toy lap harps (zither) that offer easy-to-follow music sheets or can simply be plucked when she can no longer follow the written notes.

Both viewing and creating works of art can be therapeutic. Walking through a museum or gallery is a great way to relax a person with Alzheimer’s disease while providing some exercise. Talking about certain pieces with a companion or a group on a special tour gives her a chance to converse about something in the moment without worrying about failing to remember names or facts. (And art interpretation, after all, is up to the individual, so there’s also a freedom of expression.) This, in turn, can be a huge mood booster and way to increase self-esteem.

Working on an art project can help release emotions in a safe, healthy way. If done in a group setting, art also generates conversation and encourages bonding among participants. Using different tools, a person with Alzheimer’s practices hand-eye coordination: If fine motor skills are declining and painting or drawing is difficult, she may enjoy the tactile work of sculpting or simply painting with a larger brush.

What you can do: Don’t worry if the person you’re caring for was never very “artsy.” Provide safe, nontoxic, easy-to-use materials and encourage her to spend time with them. (Even crayons and pages torn from coloring books work. Offer adult coloring books or nonjuvenile images if she’s sensitive to this.) If you’re unsure how to proceed on your own, look into adult daycare programs, where art therapy is often used and attendees enjoy feeling like they’re learning a skill or creating something.

Visit your local museum together often. Weekday mornings are least likely to be crowded. Between the large collections and her short-term memory, this is one outing that can seem new every time for quite a long while.

Storytelling. Storytelling is another therapy that taps into creativity. A caregiver or other companion presents the patient with a picture or series of pictures and invites her to construct a corresponding storyline. As in art therapy, communicating about an image doesn’t require remembering anything, which can be an intimidating and uncomfortable aspect of other conversations. Storytelling exercises creativity, gives emotional release, and provides caregivers with interesting insights into the life and mind of the person with Alzheimer’s.

In storytelling therapy, as in art therapy, the key is letting the person with Alzheimer’s take the lead once the activity is introduced. The companion simply helps the story along by asking basic open-ended questions. Sometimes the story is written down.

What you can do: Find a coffee-table book with large images. At a relaxing, quiet time, when there are no distractions to interrupt or confuse your family member, sit down with her and look at the book together. You can also use postcards, calendar images, or a magazine. (Avoid celebrity or historic photos, which cause the person to get stuck trying to remember the “right” details.) Say, “Let’s make up a story about this funny picture,” or “I wonder what she’s thinking about. What do you think?” Avoid asking questions that might feel like tests. (“What’s that?”) Stress the fact that there are no right or wrong answers. Offer open-ended prompts to help move the story along.

Look into TimeSlips, a facilitator-led storytelling-therapy method designed for groups, developed by Ann Basting, director of the Center on Age and Community at the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee.

Reminiscence therapy. Different from storytelling, which doesn’t specifically involve memories, reminiscence therapy invites a person with Alzheimer’s to exercise her long-term memory by encouraging her to share positive recollections from younger days. Especially in the earlier stages of the disease, she may still remember with astonishing clarity events and people from childhood and young adulthood. Old photo albums, mementos, and music are common tools used to generate this type of conversation.

Focusing conversations on these more solid memories can improve her mood, encourage verbalization, and raise self-esteem.

What you can do: Keep the atmosphere relaxed so she doesn’t feel like she’s being given a memory quiz. When children and grandchildren are involved as listeners, a person with Alzheimer’s may feel especially proud to be able to share pieces of family history. As a bonus, you may learn things about her you didn’t know or may be moved to record new and familiar tales on tape or paper to preserve them.

Massage therapy. Perhaps one of the most unexpected therapies for someone with Alzheimer’s disease is massage therapy. In all people, the healing power of touch is well documented. It can trigger the relaxation response, lower blood pressure, and reduce the pain of chronic diseases. Few studies have been done on massage for Alzheimer’s patients, but so far it’s been found to reduce episodes of wandering and other agitated behaviors associated with anxiety. Massage can also help people with the disease sleep better, ease muscle pain and tightness, and ward off depression. Massage therapy is sometimes combined with aromatherapy (see below).

What you can do: Ask the person you’re caring for if she’d like to try it. Someone who’s apprehensive or has never had massage may want to start with hand, foot, or back rubs. Massage therapy only works when the person feels at ease with it. She may be very sensitive to touch or may feel uncomfortable with a stranger or even a family member touching her in this way. Be sure that if you hire a professional massage therapist, she knows that her client has dementia. Realize that you don’t have to sign her up for a full body massage in order to harness the benefits of the power of touch: Hug her, hold hands, touch her gently when you talk to her.

Aromatherapy. The use of essential oils from flowers and other plants to treat physical and mental disorders has a long history dating back thousands of years. Certain scents appear to work directly on connections in the brain to create associated responses. Scented oils can be applied directly to the skin (in diluted form) during massage, burned to release their scent into the air, or placed in bathwater. Some nursing facilities use aromatherapy to calm residents. This therapy hasn’t been well studied with Alzheimer’s, and as the disease progresses the sense of smell is often impaired, so it’s unclear whether people with advanced Alzheimer’s can benefit from it.

What you can do: The relaxing and stimulating powers of scents may be worth trying at home if you find the idea appealing. Even familiar scents like chocolate chip cookies or pine needles can trigger happy memories.

Caring.com Editorial Team

Caring.com Editorial Team

Caring.com features original content focused exclusively on eldercare matters.Our 20+ editors and writers research and fact-check every article meticulously,and our advisory board reviews the site regularly to assure the accuracy and relevance of the material we publish. We have hundreds of articles and checklists on health, housing, finance, legal and family issues, and other caregiving concerns,and we’re adding new articles and other resources every day.

Alzheimers Non Traditional Therapies
Alzheimers Pet Therapy

Meaning behind “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” song lyrics?

Friday, February 19th, 2010

In the Christmas song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” there is a line that says “They’ll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long long ago”. What do they mean by “scary ghost stories”? That does not seem very “christmasy” to me.