The Writing of Good Omens

March 14th, 2010

          When Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman wrote the fantasy novel Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch, only Terry was well-known as a writer. By then he had written the first dozen of his humorous fantasy series set in a distant world that mimics our own called the Discworld. Neil was known only as an ex-journalist and burgeoning graphic novelist; he had just written Preludes and Nocturnes, the first in his Sandman series (Wands), which is now famous. Since then Contemporary Authors Online has commented that his “works transcend the genres in which they are written and explore deeper issues than those usually addressed in these works” (CAO). Good Omens is where the two authorial styles meet. It is a satire about the apocalypse, religion, books, movies, and just about anything else Neil and Terry could get their hands on. It begins when a cult of satanic nuns misplace the antichrist somewhere in England; they were supposed to switch him with the newborn son of the American Cultural Attaché, but instead switched him with the son of a cost accountant from Tadfield. Adam, the appropriately named antichrist, is raised human in an idyllic English countryside setting and in a brilliant farcical turn, the son of the American Cultural Attaché, Warlock, spends his childhood being tempted in turn by Nanny Ashtoreth and Brother Francis the gardener (Gaiman and Pratchett, Good Omens 76). When the time for the apocalypse comes around everyone is puzzled when Warlock doesn’t come into his powers, whereas somewhere in Tadfield some strange things are beginning to happen. It is the job of Aziraphale the angel and Crowley the demon to locate Adam and bring about the end of the world. The problem is, they’ve been on earth since the Fall  and have quite gotten to like the place. The current underlying the entire tale is one that flows through all of Neil and Terry’s works and it is best summed up by them, “most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people” (39).
          When Good Omens was first published in 1990 it was panned in The New York Times as “undergraduate dreck [full of] recycled science-fiction clichés” (Queenan). The year after that it was nominated for both the Locus Award for Best Fantasy Novel and the World Fantasy Award. It has since become a “longtime cult favourite” (“EosCon”) and remains on the top of many reading lists. In 2007, it made the Young Adult Library Services Association’s Popular Paperbacks for Young Adults list; the by-line used was “Someone lost the Antichrist” (YALSA). A new edition was released with an introduction by the authors in 2006 and in 2003 it was named number 68 on The BBC Big Read’s Top 100 best-loved books (BBC). Currently, there are 9, 258 fans of the book and 384 reviews on the social book-networking website Shelfari (“Good Omens: Readers & Reviews”). The point is, no matter how many years since Good Omens has been published, it still remains popular. Terry and Neil are asked constantly if they knew they were writing a cult classic. Their response is to debate whether cult classic means that there are people who have copies that have been re-read, dropped in baths, puddles, and soup, and repaired with duct tape, putty, and string or if it means that it’s “sold millions and millions of copies around the world” (Gaiman and Pratchett, “The Facts” 405). They seem quite pleased with both outcomes, and when people are tattooing your still-wet signature onto their forearm (Gaiman and Pratchett, “Foreword” 11) then who cares about bad reviews?
          In the New York Times review,  Joe Queenan, the reviewer, complains that the “whole Supernatural in Your Own Backyard shtick was pretty well milked dry years ago by everyone from Woody Allen (”Mr. Big”) to Monty Python (”Life of Brian”)”, calls the popular musical group Queen  “a vaudevillian rock group whose hits are buried far in the past and should have been buried sooner”, and says that “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” was a “vastly overpraised book” (Queenan). It would be easy to say that Queenan doesn’t ‘get’ British humour, but he is, in fact, the author of a book called Queenan Country: A Reluctant Anglophile’s Pilgrimage to the Mother Country, is famous as a satirist, married to a British woman, and has fans raving about his sense of humour (Joe Queenan, “Interview”). This just shows that there are vastly different senses of humour and you can’t explain it away as a cultural difference. Besides which, the flood of accolades from the U.S. illustrates how popular Good Omens is in North America as it is in Britain and that if there are differences between a British sense of humour and an American sense of humour (an Anglo-American humour divide as it were), Queenan is the lone victim.
          Good Omen’s popularity in the U.S. may also have been helped along by crafty publishers. The novel was published in a separate U.S. edition with a number of small changes. Neil jokes that in Britain the authors names are published the wrong way around (Terry is listed first) and Terry jokes that the opposite occurs in U.S. editions (Neil is listed first) (“Pratchett & Gaiman: The Double Act”); this is of course a reference to the relative popularity of each author in either country. The authors often refer to differences they had to make in this edition. They jokingly refer to the second draft of the novel, which took six months, as taking so long, in part, because they had to explain the jokes to the American publishers (Gaiman and Pratchett, “The Facts” 403). A perfect example of one of the changes made to the U.S. edition that also shows how well the book was received in the States is the 700 word addition regarding what happens to the American boy who was mistaken as the antichrist, which was added in because the U.S. audience wanted to know (“Good Omens: Annotations”).
          There are numerous sources for how Good Omens was written, many of them repeat the same stories, but it’s clearly a topic of great interest to fans and journalists alike. When the new edition was published in 2006 it contained extra content about the writing of the novel, which repeatedly emphasizes the same point; the book was written by two friends for fun. They raced each other to the good bits (“Double Act”) and were pleasantly surprised when they made lots of money (Pratchett, “On Neil” 413). The initial idea began with Neil, who had an idea for the first half of a story, wrote several thousand words (“Double Act”), and sent it to his friend Terry. Neil had met Terry in 1985 while interviewing him about his first ever Discworld novel and they had quickly became friends, mostly due to a shared sense of humour and a shared love of the same obscure books (Gaiman, “On Terry” 409); something they like to call their “communal undermind” (“Double Act”). About a year after Terry had received the short story idea he phoned Neil and said that he didn’t know how the story ended, but he did know what happened next. It was originally called “William the Antichrist”, a parody on the William Brown series of books by Richmal Crompton, but quickly became a parody of just about anything they could get their hands on. Neil sums up the book as “a funny novel about the end of the world and how we’re all going to die” (Gaiman, “On Terry” 409). One of the only real problems happened early on; Neil lost the manuscript on disk, so Terry re-typed it using a hard copy that he had and changed aspects as he went (Locus). This is part of the reason why they are never sure who wrote what or how much. The other issue that they mention is one common to all humorous books; not to overdo the gags and to remind yourself that even if you’re sick of the jokes, the reader will be coming to them new (“Double Act”).
          They were both living in England when they wrote the novel (Neil now lives in the States), but communicated solely through telephone and floppy disks mailed through the post (Gaiman, “Several days”). There was a brief attempt at communicating through the internet using 300/75 baud modems, but this process was described as “slightly less efficient than yodelling underwater”(Gaiman and Pratchett, “The Facts” 404).  Overall, it took two months to write, with Neil writing at night  and Terry in the morning, which means that “there was always someone, somewhere writing the novel” (“Double Act”). They re-wrote and footnoted each other’s sections and by the end of the second draft were running into parts where they couldn’t remember who had written what (Gaiman and Pratchett, “The Facts” 404-5) . When asked to guess though, they estimate that Terry wrote anything to do with Adam Young and his gang and Agnes Nutter and Neil wrote the Four Horsepersons of the Apocalypse and anything with maggots in it (404). When it came down to themes they took responsibility for separate ones and wove them into the storyline (“Double Act”).
          When Good Omens was published and went on to become such a well-loved and popular novel, no one was more surprised than the authors. They constantly stress how fun it was to write, how they raced each other to the juiciest bits, and how much they love autographing copies of the book that have been beaten beyond recognition. There are people who don’t find it funny, including some notable reviewers, but there are quite a few who re-read it, lend it to friends, and rave about it.

Alison Davidson

I am a twenty-four year old advocate for reading what you like (Harlequin, True Crime, Austen, Steven King, what you will). I graduated from Simon Fraser University in English/Humanities and am currently qualifying to become a Library Technician. My most recent job is as a bartender in a local concert hall.

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Whats the name of the fairy tale?

March 12th, 2010

There’s a story I was told a long time ago, that I can’t remember the name or the entire story. It involves a woman that someone cast a spell on. I can’t remember who. She fell in love with a man. She was perfect in every way. She just had one request and that was, for one day a week, to be left alone. She would lock herself in a room or something like that. The man fulfilled her wishes for a while and they lived happily ever after. I think she even gave him beautiful children. But one day, his curiosity got the best of him and he spied what she was doing through a keyhole during the one day a week she chose to lock herself away. And he saw the most ghastly, hideous scaly thing! Is anyone familiar with this story or where I can find it online? Thanks.

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What would you do and how?

March 12th, 2010

Long story.

Okay. Dated this guy. I was ice cold, a real b*tch. He changed that in one night. He loves me i love him. Fairy tale. Live 200km (120miles) See each other every weekend

Circumstances made us see each other less. He was a little jealous of my male friends – just genuine friends

I told him we should leave it (us), we did. i miss him very much. he started phoning and texting me again. friendly. and he said he misses me and still loves me.

Long ago he told me he’ll never give up on me, no matter what, and he kept his promise.

I need to know, if you were me, how would you make this work again? What would you say, what would you do, do you reckon it needs time?

We talked again today, i still miss and love him, he still misses and loves me. We do have a lot to talk about still

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The Other Side of the Tapestry

March 11th, 2010

The Other Side of the Tapestry

St. Paul, Minnesota, February, 1979…

I sat in the hall waiting for the program to start. I felt alone in a room filled with hundreds of people. I had missed my ride to the country. Instead, I was here, in this hall full of chassidic Jews – a stranger in a strange land…

A World that Was

I grew up like any other middle-class American. I went to college, dated, had fun with my friends. Although I happened to be Jewish – and was proud of it – my Judaism didn’t play a big role in my life.

My mother grew up in Chicago in an observant home. Her father, my beloved grandfather, passed away in 1973. When I was little he held me on his lap and told me stories of his own childhood – stories that seemed like fairy tales to me.

When he was six years old and his little brother only five, their parents left Europe for America to build a better life for the family. The two little boys – practically babies – were left in the old country. There, they lived and studied full time in a “yeshivah” — the kind of traditional Jewish school that didn’t exist in America at that time.

The village they lived in was extremely poor, and their school had no budget for feeding the kids. The villagers helped out by opening their homes and sharing what little they had. Often that little was almost nothing.

At night, the children slept on benches in the school. They studied standing up so that they wouldn’t fall asleep over the complex texts. All was for the purpose of passing the learning, the tradition, to the next generation in a pure and unbroken chain.

Although my grandfather’s stories told of a life of struggle and sacrifice, when he spoke of his life in the old world it seemed filled with magic and beauty.

My great-grandparents worked hard, and by the time my grandfather was seventeen years old they were able to bring him and his brother to America. When he saw his mother for the first time in America, he was an adult. He didn’t recognize her.

Nonetheless, the foresight and self-sacrifice of his parents saved the family’s lives. Some years later, when the Nazis rolled into that very village, not one person was left alive. The pictures of my grandfather’s lost village – Eisheshuk – now cover the tower of the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C. They tell the story of a world that once was and is no more.

I loved my grandfather very, very much. But my grandparents had passed away several years before, and whatever little bit of connection to our Jewish roots my family still maintained was eroding. I was no longer an adoring little child. I was a hip college student, quite disinterested in tradition or religion.

And then, out of the blue, my fifteen-year-old brother suddenly declared that he wanted to be observant. My reaction was… huh??? That’s for grandparents, not for you! Judaism is beautiful, yes – in its place. In the past.

My Journey Begins

But my brother persisted, eventually introducing me to the vast mystical world of Kabbalah and Chassidus. Once I began to study, I was exposed to a profound and fascinating wisdom that was unlike anything I had seen or heard anywhere else. I sensed a truth that I couldn’t deny. I began – tentatively – to eat kosher food and observe the Sabbath. But it still didn’t seem to feel right. The problem wasn’t with the observance itself. It was me. I felt acutely and painfully out of place, caught between two worlds without a solid foot in either one.

Hardly any of my friends were Jewish. In fact, I wasn’t even sure that I believed in G-d – and I was sure that if there was a G-d He wouldn’t particularly notice or care about me.

So when the opportunity came up to drive to the country that Friday night with some friends I was tempted to go. But at the last minute I decided to give the Shabbat one last try. I said no.

So there I sat, that Saturday night, feeling that I had very little in common with these odd people – but still curious to get one final glimpse into their fascinating, mystical world.

The Rebbe’s Disciple

The white-bearded Chassidic rabbi at the dais was a disciple of a Rebbe – a great Chassidic Master – whose passing, some 29 years before, was being commemorated this night. The Rebbe was said to be a great tzaddik – a righteous and holy man on the spiritual level of Moses himself. He was said to have the power to do miracles and the Divine insight to see into a person’s soul.

His successor, who was living in Brooklyn, was the spiritual leader of the global Chabad Chassidic movement and was said to have, if anything, even greater spiritual stature and powers than his predecessor.

The visiting rabbi, whose home was in Chicago, was known as an unusually talented speaker. Interestingly, the small chassidic community of St. Paul, Minnesota had been trying to book him, on and off, for the last ten years, but somehow it had never worked out. But he was there that night. His talk began.

There are No Accidents

“It’s no accident that we’re all here together on this particular night,” began the rabbi in a deep, sonorous voice. “The Rebbe often quoted the Baal Shem Tov, first of the chassidic masters, concerning the principle of Divine Providence. He constantly emphasized that everything a person sees, he’s meant to see, and everything that he hears, he’s meant to hear. He taught that whenever something happens that makes a particularly strong impression on a person, that person needs to be aware that this experience was custom-created by G-d specifically for him, in order to give him direction and insight in fulfilling his Divine mission.

“The fact that I’m here tonight – together with all of you – is surely significant.”

The rabbi continued speaking. He talked about the Rebbe, telling stories of his life – stories that illuminated his greatness, his genius, his holiness, his kindness.

Then he began a story that caught my attention. In fact, it riveted me.

“In the months and years after the Holocaust,” he told, “we had a fund. We collected money to distribute to the desperate refugees left in Europe after the war.

“Among those who was there at the time was a man by the name of Mr. Samuel Broida. He was the owner of a kosher meat packaging company in Chicago. He was also the president of our fund.”

“Altogether we managed to collect $180,000; a great deal of money at that time. Mr. Broida was delegated to take the money to Europe, to help a group of refugees who had fled from Russia to a suburb of Paris. When he returned home, he told us that something had happened to him; something he would never forget.”

“’When I was in Paris,’ said Mr. Broida, ‘I met a little boy about eight years old. I asked him if there was something I could do for him. I thought the poor little boy would ask me for shoes, clothes, food, candy, a suit, a hat… but I was wrong. He asked for none of those things. Instead, he said to me, ‘I want to be able go to America and see the Lubavitcher Rebbe someday.’

‘I myself,’ continued Mr. Broida, ‘am not a follower of the Rebbe – not at all. I’ve heard stories of the Rebbe, of his miracles, of the power of his blessings, of his holiness and greatness. But I didn’t really believe them. I thought to myself: How is this possible? How is it possible for any human being to leave such a powerful impression on his followers, that he is more real to them than their hunger, their devastation or their poverty? And this was a small child! His answer was completely spontaneous. How it is possible that a small child, a poor child, a hungry child, wants nothing in the world but to catch a glimpse of this holy man?’

‘If a Rebbe,” concluded Mr. Broida, ‘thirty years after leaving a place, leaves this kind of impression, then it has to be because he truly is the kind of human being that the world knows nothing of. The kind of human being that I had assumed could not exist. The kind of human being that is head and shoulders greater than the rest of us. …’

The Rebbe’s Promise

“After this,” the rabbi said, “Mr. Broida asked me if I would take him to New York to meet the Rebbe for himself. This was 1947, just a couple of years before the Rebbe’s passing. The Rebbe’s health by this time was frail. He had been imprisoned and severely tortured by the Russians who found his powerful religious leadership a great threat to the communist regime. He was able to see very few people each day and there was a long waiting list – but I managed to get Mr. Broida an appointment. And he told me afterwards that it was one of the most profound and incredible experiences of his life.”

“But then,” continued the rabbi, “Something even more amazing happened. A Rebbe, like any person who receives the confidence of others, never repeats a word of what happens in a private audience between him and any other person. If a lawyer or a doctor is bound by confidentiality, how much more so a Rebbe! Nevertheless, after Mr. Broida saw the Rebbe, the Rebbe called me into his office to tell me about his meeting with Mr. Broida.

“‘Mr. Broida came in to me today,’ the Rebbe told me. ‘I asked him about his business, his community work. We talked. And when we were done talking, I asked him: ‘And what are your children doing?’ He burst into tears and told me that of his six children, none were observant anymore. I promised him,’ continued the Rebbe, “that he would have “nachas” from his grandchildren – the joy of seeing his Judaism come alive again one day in them.”

“I have often wondered since then,” concluded the rabbi, “what happened to the Rebbe’s promise. Mr. Broida passed away years ago and I don’t know what happened to his family. But one thing I do know. The promise of a tzaddik, of a Rebbe, is never made in vain.”

The speech was over. I sat in my seat with tears pouring down my face.

I knew what had happened to the Rebbe’s promise.

Mr. Broida was my grandfather.

The Other Side of the Tapestry

The rabbi began that night his talk with a discussion of Divine Providence. That was no accident. Nothing ever is.

Though he was only in his fifties, this rabbi — Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Hecht of Chicago –unexpectedly passed a way a short few months after that evening. If he had not been there at that time, if I had taken the Friday night ride to the country, if he had told a different story, if he had told this one and just not mentioned my grandfather’s name… I would be living an entirely different life. And you would not be reading these words today.

Our lives are like the reverse side of a great tapestry. From the back, all we can see are the knots, the imperfections, some bumps, some smears of color. It all looks random and chaotic.

Only from the front side of the tapestry is it possible to see how it all fits together. From the front you can see that every stitch and every knot forms an integral part of a vast, magnificent picture.

In life, for the most part, we only see the back of the tapestry. We have to use our intuition, our knowledge, our wisdom, to try to fit the parts together, to guess at the picture that might be on the other side.

But on that night, I, the agnostic, was granted a rare privilege. I was given an open glimpse of it.

In that glimpse I saw many things. I saw the complex and awesome power of Divine Providence and the infinite care with which G-d weaves together the events of every person’s unique and personal life. I saw the awesome power of a true tzaddik, his ability to see beyond time and beyond worlds, to reach into the reservoir of souls and empower a specific soul to fulfill its destiny, to make a promise and keep it.

And finally, I saw that G-d plants messages for us all, and those messages, if we allow them to, can change our lives. Sometimes they’re big and blatant, sometimes small and subtle. But they are always there if we want to see them.

When I stumbled over my destiny I wasn’t expecting it. In fact, it was the furthest thing from my mind. I wasn’t even sure that I believed in G-d. But when I ran headlong into an alternate plane of reality, I saw clearly that it was vaster, deeper and far more compelling than anything I had believed possible before.

Racing Toward Destiny

That was 27 years ago. Since then, more than my own life has changed. During the past 27 years, the train of history has traveled many stops en route to its ultimate destination. And its speed is accelerating day by day.

We are living today in the times spoken of by sages and prophets. This is a time of transition between the old order and the new. It is a time of crisis and of awesome possibility. The potential of these times is unprecedented – both for good and ill. During these times we can choose to remain small, confused and helpless – or, instead, to embrace the G-d-given power that each of us has been given to change the world for good.

If we choose to turn our backs on our messages, we remain like wanderers in the dark, confused, isolated and disempowered. But if we choose instead to open our eyes, to see and hear those messages, to put the pieces of the puzzle together and see the picture as it actually is, it can make all the difference – not only for us personally, but for the world at large.

You Have the Power

The Torah teaches us to view the entire world as hanging perfectly balanced between good and bad, deserving or undeserving. That means that your one act, no matter how small, can literally tip the scales. It can make all the difference in the world.

If you choose, you can use your power to reach out to heal a broken relationship or soothe a wounded heart, to share your time or money with someone who needs it, to say some sincere words of prayer, or to do an extra mitzvah and bring more Divine light into the world. Any of these things are intrinsically good and will almost certainly change your life and the lives of those around you.

But it goes even farther than that. By watching for your opportunities, listening for your messages, reading between the lines, and embracing your authentic power, you can help bring us all safely home.

Shifra Hendrie

Shifra Hendrie specializes in helping talented, spiritually-minded people create breakthrough results in their lives, businesses and relationships through a unique combination of deep spiritual wisdom and cutting-edge coaching tools.


To read more of her articles, listen to audio classes or download her fascinating f*ree ecourse, ?Seven Kabbalah Secrets that Can Change Your Life?, visit http://www.KabbalahOfTransformation.com.

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Ebay Online Shopping Q&a

March 11th, 2010

More eBay Online Shopping questions please visit : OnlineShopFAQ.com

Can culture be suspended from ebay for have too tons negative?
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Can eBay ancestors do this?
Ok I bought something off ebay I paid within 5 minutes of auction closing moments Seller was new – less than 90 days behind the times – but had 20 feedbacks Paypal held my money (told me because she was new) Paypal release the money once proof of postage or feedback is left Seller refuse…

Can Ebay Be an Unsafe opening to buy things?
Can Ebay be unsafe? What things can happen if you buy an item and never receive it? http://youranswer.framed.net A very informative website you can also achieve much information in website Certainly. You should always check the feedback the user have gotten on prior sales – if people have reported that they…

Can EBAY be trusted??
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Can ebay buyers reimburse and will it walk to my credit card?
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Can ebay charge an expired credit card?
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Can ebay charge an expired credit card?
my card is expired… can they still charge it? No, once a card is expired no charges can be made on it by any company. No. When you swipe a credit card or submit the information online the retailer forwards that information over to your bank to verify funds. The process will not…

Can Ebay check to see what IP address your computer have be online beside?
Ebay checks the IP address that you sign into their system with. They also install spyware that sends them your computer’s MAC address. Do they…can they, also install spyware that tracks what IP addresses your computer has be using even when you weren’t signed into ebay?…

Can ebay confer you bleak credit if you dont pay envelope your tale?
Can they take action if your account isn’t salaried? Its only ebay so im thinking no, but im a bit worried, im just ignoring my rationalization and not paying the money owed. they willl stir to a collection agency after a while and you will be harassed…

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Can Ebay final meaning duty credit be refund?
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Can ebay gifts cards be used one and only on ebay, or can you use it next to any merchant that take PayPal, outside ebay?
it should be ok for anyone selling on e-bay .like ANY purchases on ebay the seller will tell you the pay-out method they will except.if it doesn’t say ebay gift card ask the seller. Source(s):…

Can eBay items close to xbox 360 controller and battery-operated next to charger?
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Can ebay not get rid of replicas/knockoffs?
theres never in anything when they search isthat illegal? No they can’t but that doesn’t stop family to try and sell them. I bought a set of two of Monolo Blanich’s (pardon the spelling) for $300 dollars USED, and it was from a “Power Seller” (the trustworthy people) and I got ripped, they…

Can ebay purchases be used for the up to date program for Snow Leopard?
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Can Ebay really form me money?, never done it?
Tips about ‘ebay’ business. http://ecommerce-times.blogspot.com Its like in every business, one out of a hundred makes it and the other 99 not. But you never hear their story. Just my inference. The winners are always the sellers of tools (marketing tools, self oblige books, how to get rich in…

Can eBay receive away next to their scam?
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Here is what happened. I bid on a baseball jersey and then realized the players term was misspelled on the back. Obviously I didn’t want it anymore so I created a BS account and email to outbid myself to engineer sure my real account doesn’t get stuck have to…

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No, only you have access to your paypal account info. They would have need of to know your email and password to find out the information – just as you do. no they can’t your ebay and paypal…

Can Ebay Sellers PUBLICLY document their blocked ebay users peak name?
I googled my ebay username just for kicks, and found out someone had my username programmed in their ABOUT ME section. To protect my user name I am not going to inventory the names, but here is what they said right before the list starts – “Sellers! Here’s my…

Can Ebay ship an item to my house within the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia?
I mean I heard that they will ship it to a closer country like UAE, but I don’t want to acquire my Whole family to go with me a moment ago for a single item. Can I give them my address and they bring it to…

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have you ever heard of this fairy tale?

March 9th, 2010

this is a story i heard a long time ago:

there was a young girl who lived with her stepmother and stepsister. (no, she was not cinderella). the stepmother was very wicked and ordered the girl to walk for a mile or more on a hot summer’s day to fetch a pale of well water. the girl didn’t argue, and did what she was told.

when she arrived at the well she noticed an old woman sitting near to it. the old lady asked the girl if she would allow her to drink from her pale after she filled it with fresh water. the girl hesitated at first, she didn’t want to get in trouble, but the woman looked so frail and the girl felt sorry for her.

she sat down with the old woman and let her drink as much as she needed. the woman thanked her for her generosity and said she would be truly blessed. the girl filled her pale once more, and started her journey home.

when she arrived it was very late and her stepmother greeted her with a temper. the girl was quick to apologize. but when she opened her mouth to speak, something amazing happened. for every vowel her lips spoke, a diamond, ruby, or rare flower fell from her mouth.

the stepmother was amazed and asked her how this was possible. but the girl wasn’t entirely sure. then she remembered the old woman, and what she said about being “truly blessed”. she told her stepmother who in turn told her stepsister.

the next morning the stepmother ordered her own daughter to take the pale once more to the well. her daughter whined and complained the whole way there. when she arrived the woman was once again at the well.

“young lady i am thirsty, and too weak to turn the handle on the well. could i please share your water with you?” the stepsister was disgusted at the fact that the old woman would dare to speak to her. so she ignored her. the woman asked again, “please child, i am very thirsty”.

the step sister, who was very much like her mother, lost her temper and shouted at the old woman to go away and leave her alone. the old woman then revealed herself to be a witch and told the girl that she would be cursed due to her lack of charity.

when the girl arrived home her mother was there to greet her. she asked her what gift had been bestowed upon her, but the girl wouldn’t speak. the mother harassed her for hours, and eventually grew very stern. the girl still had nothing to say. her mother began to say things, terrible things. things she never said to her stepdaughter; she was now saying to her own daughter.

the girl could take it no longer and in her defense demanded that her mother go away. but she opened her lips to speak, something disgusting happened. for every syllable her mouth spoke, two flies would fly out of her lips, (or snakes, or toads, or spiders).

sorry, i got carried away, (i love to write). i was only curious to know if anyone else had ever heard the story.
to truthbetold:
thank you that was the version i knew as a child.
i remember the prince and the fact that the other mother died.
i “add-libb’d” the version above.

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Delivering the Winning Proposal

March 9th, 2010

If business proposals were judged solely on their weight and volume (rather than content and focus), then most of them would be very successful.

The problem is that, somewhere in sales folklore, there are two fairy-stories about proposals that, most proposal writers appear to believe, will cast the magic ‘buy-this-one’ spell over any prospective customer.

The stories are:

1) Lots of ‘bumph’ is better than too little.

2) The first thing proposal-readers are looking for is information about us.

Driven by an almost universal belief in these stories, the assembly order of most business proposals tends to be as follows:

- Title page
- Information about ourselves- how long we’ve been in business etc
- Pictures: Our directors (with career backgrounds), Our office/ warehouse
- Detailed Information about our services and products
- Confirmation of the amount of product/service the customer wants to buy
- The Price the customer will have to pay
- The Installation and implementation requirements
- Terms and Conditions and copy of our contract
- Conclusion

The first, horrible truth I have to set before you, in an effort to wean you off this mythical-magic-proposal- template, is written below. It is so fundamental to the whole sales process that I would like you to do this for me right now: (write, print, draw, daub the following words on a very large piece of paper and place it over your desk where you can see it every day:

“NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR BUSINESS”

The word ‘I’ (alongside its close companion words, ‘We’ ‘Me’ and ‘Our’ ) is the weakest and least persuasive word in the World. And yet it is the commonest word in all business communications. Yes, despite the fact that every bit of research on business-persuasion says that, ’stuff about you and what you think’, has no positive effect on the selling process, business people still cram their proposals full of it.

If you want to read up on the research and books about why this is not the way to do it, you can start back 75 years ago with Dale Carnegie’s seminal work: “How to Win Friends and Influence People” (still a best seller and still in print) and work through to all of the most recent business books. But they will ALL tell you the same thing: (Apart from your family and close friends) Nobody cares about you….nor what you are…nor what you do….nor what you think. And ‘no’ your business is NOT different. And ‘yes’ this does apply to YOU too.

So, if you kick-off your proposal with a whole lot of guff about you and your business, it will soon have a key position in the pile labelled: “Same As All The Others”.

Not only do the majority of proposal-writers pad out the first few pages of their proposals with stuff about themselves (“Yeah-this is what they want to know…this’ll impress them!”), but they go into tremendous detail about it too. You will find full ‘Bios’ and CV’s of all their key players, smiling head-shot photos, photos of the premises, pictures of warehouses and offices and even photos of the trucks and vans used for delivery.

As the reader ventures further into the proposal, in a vain search for that which he truly seeks, he is next confronted by ‘the product brochure’. This usually consists of a description and/or pictures of the products the customer is interested in, plus – for good measure- all or nearly all the other products and services offered (just in case). This is several pages long and often includes detailed technical specifications.

After that comes the price list and bottom-line quotation for the job in hand. Plus a full description of payment terms and penalties for not paying on time and other ancillary costs.

Finally comes the killer conclusion: “Do not hesitate to call us if you require any further information. We look forward to hearing from you soon.”

OK You’ve got your wish: You’re dead.

So what’s to be done?

Would you like me to show you how your proposal can go in the rare pile marked “Winner.”

OK it’s not difficult…here goes:

First let us remind ourselves about the reason your business exists. It exists, like all businesses, companies and commercial organisations, to solve at least one problem. That’s it!…If you are not clear about the problem your business solves then you probably don’t have a business.

When your customer made contact with you -or responded to an overture from you- the only reason they did it was that they thought you might be able to solve at least one problem for them. What that specific problem is (and there maybe more than one) depends on the type of problem your business is set-up to solve.

So the first thing that needs to appear in your proposal is something about ‘the problem’. Because the first thing your prospective customer will be saying to himself, as he opens the pages, is: “My problem.. where is it?…Was this person listening when I was telling him about all my problems- the ones he might be able to fix?… Does he show, somewhere here, that he understands my problems and the effect they are having on me?”

To satisfy this basic customer need, the first few pages of your proposal must therefore feedback to the customer, in his/her own words if possible, that you were listening and have understood all the problems that your customer wants fixing. There should be nothing ‘problem-solving’ in your early words. It should be a mirror-summary of what the customer said to you.

Immediately following this opening section, start at the top of a new page.

In this next section you will be outlining what, ‘might’… ‘has’… ‘could’ happen if these problems are not fixed. Enlarging on the knock-on effects of not fixing a problem, starts a process of psychological reinforcement which increases the desirability of your service. This is especially powerful if you have previously managed to get the customer to tell you what he thinks could happen if the problem rolls on unchecked. And it is even better if he has revealed how much the problem is costing or might cost him. If he’s told you put it in (but don’t invent anything).

So in these first two sections you have shown the customer that, unlike probably ALL the other proposals on his desk, YOU were listening to what he was saying. This is as rare as a ‘90 cent Bill’

Only at this point is the customer sufficiently ’softened-up’ and therefore open to read about how your service and/or product will be able to address the previously described problems. Having been reminded of his problem he is ready for the solution.

But beware; DO NOT at this stage be tempted to talk too much about what the product ‘is’ or about your company and its background. Rather set out the way and manner in which your product or service will solve the problem. In other words concentrate on the solution (‘the benefits’) rather than the raw-facts (‘the features’)

And DO NOT be tempted into the common trap of adding-in a load of other features and benefits which don’t address the specific problems given to you by the customer. Spurious bits and pieces added in, like sprinkles on a cake, in order to give a proposal substance (and generally pad it out a bit), will usually not have the desired effect.

Far from making a proposal more desirable, research shows that there is a direct correlation between loads of unrequested bits and pieces and the prospective customer complaining about the price!

Yes, sometimes, despite your huge arsenal of products, they only want ONE thing from you…that’s it; and in that case, that’s enough!

So if, for some vague masochistic reason, you want to generate price objections, do add in more un-asked for stuff. If you don’t want them then DON’T.

Having now taken the trouble to pay the customer the compliment of clearly having listened to their problems and shown how you can fix them, he/she will be looking for the price.

So, in the next section (new page) set it out very simply. And always endeavor to have already given them a good idea of what it will be in previous conversations. The proposal should ,whenever possible, NOT be the first time the prospect learns about the price. If there has been no opportunity to do this, you must do everything in your power to deliver the proposal in person and go through it with the customer face to face.

If your proposal is actually a response to a Request for Quote (RFQ) or Request for Proposal (RFP) received from a potential customer out-of-the-blue (no prior face to face discussion possible), then I have to tell you something rather alarming: You are probably very late to the table and the whole deal is more or less sown up with someone else. You are being used!

Invariably another preferred supplier has already quoted. But during the decision making process the boss asked for a few comparative quotes just to cover himself if anyone asked. The problem is that the tender document is based on your competitor’s existing quote (and strengths) so you are, from the outset, fighting a very tough battle.

Most out-of-the-blue requests (with no discussion possible) will result in a massive amount of time wasting and mostly no deal.

Well here you are…the bulk of the important work is now done.

You may, if you wish, now add, towards the back, some brief sections about you, your company and how long you’ve been in business, but DO keep it short. People don’t have time or the interest to wade through loads of stuff…would YOU? And, as a general rule, no pictures of warehouses, factories or trucks…one looks like another. Nobody’s impressed.

It is often good to offer references at this point but only if they have asked for them. Remember that the proposal reader has usually and subconsciously made a decision by now. This is because people (your customers) primarily accept ‘you’ based on the amount of interest you have shown in them.

The final part in the compilation of your ‘Winning Proposal’ should concentrate on telling the customer what he needs to do next. This should be expressed in very positive terms with none of the usual, ‘Please do not hesitate to call me’, stuff which accompanies the majority of business offerings and covering letters. Remember that the human brain can’t hold a negative thought and fails to register the ‘do not’ leaving only the, “Please….hesitate to call me”, as the final message.

Make sure too, that you print and bind your proposal with a decent front title page and a see-through front cover. Do several top-copies too in case your prospect wants to distribute it to her colleagues; much better they all have a top-copy rather than a misaligned, gray copy, of a copy, of a copy. If you can’t do it take it to your local copy-store, on a memory stick, and ask them to do it for you. If you do this DO check that the pages look the same on their P/C and that there are no formatting differences that cause words, titles and sentences to leak across on to the next page.

Now print it on very good quality paper (Not the usual 60-80gm copier-stock). Check for spelling mistakes -especially people’s names- and use a good clear font (NOT ‘Comic Sans’ it makes you look ’stupid’ not ‘quirky’). And do number the pages and, after the front title page, add a contents page….it makes the document look more professional.

There is nothing more I need to add and it isn’t difficult to do.

- Title page
- Contents Page
- Problems in need of fixing
- Knock-on effects of not fixing
- Our Focused Solution
- Price
- Who we are/experience/background
- References
- Any other relevant material (keep it short and simple)
- What to do next

Following the method outlined above is going to make your proposals more interesting, readable and effective when presented to you customer.

It is also going to differentiate your offering from the many, even if your product looks very much like your competitors. And best of all it will bring you more business.
That’s not a fairy story.

Discover everything you want to know about the art and science of ‘business persuasion’ at www.bobetheringtongroup.com   or at www.skillsforbusiness.co.uk

Bob Etherington

Bob Etherington

My name is Bob Etherington and I can make your customers buy from you. Whether your customers are internal (bosses, colleagues or partners) or external (customers and investors) the rules of human persuasion are universal and you can learn them. Selling is simple it is just not very easy because people insist on making the same fundamental mistakes over and over again. My experience goes back nearly 40 years and my current relationships with the World’s top business and academic institutions mean that you benefit from the latest research into what works and what is fatal in the 21st Century. For selling, public speaking, presenting and negotiating this is where you learn what to do, how to do it and when to do it. Our main objective is to put more confidence into you and more money into your bank account. Judge us by results.
Our websites are www.bobetheringtongroup.com and www.skillsforbusiness.co.uk

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Book FAQ

March 9th, 2010

Fun spectator sport: Type down as copious cool powers as possible?
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Fundamentals of physiology : a human perspective , by LAURALEE SHERWOOD – book ?
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Funniest harry potter fanfic?
i really want a really funny hp fanfic!! gots to be good :) you can check on some hp fan forums =] My Immortal by Tara GilesbieFunniest and worst fanfic I have ever read. It’s not meant to be funny but the spelling and storyline are just hillarious to read. http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/chapter… Lily and James: An Epic Tale!A…

Garth nix books please ?
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Genre Classification for Haurki Murakami?
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Genre of the book Junk by Melvin Burgess.?
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Georgia Nicholsons Diaries series, cross-question?
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Getting Poems out to the public?
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Gilda Joyce:Psychic investigator, the book next to the tower? PLEASE HelP! book report tomorrow*-?
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Girl next to the pearl earring record!! NEED!!?
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Girls lone examine! What is your favorite romantic book?
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Give feedback on story please?
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Give me book recommendation for me base on this detail?
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Give me short story planning please?
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Give me some possible outcomes.?
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Kate Forster is moving out from her lake house, built all of it with cup. She is a doctor and has just begin to work surrounded by a hospital in Chicago, moving to a new flat in the center of the city. Alex Wyler is the modern owner of the lake house, a…

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Golden flute answer these plz?
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Goldstein’s book contained by 1984!!?
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Good auto biography titles?
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Good book recommendation?? Summary too please!!?
i have already read the Twilight Saga and they were pretty good, but i dont really resembling stories about vampires and dragons and all that fantasy stuff! i am interested surrounded by historical fiction, mystery, and normal TEEN everyday stuff like mean girls and stuff approaching that! so please leave any good books and a short summary…

Good book recommendation?
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Good Book Recommendations?
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I’m a girl almost 13 and I need a book to read for school but I don’t want to read a boring book is there any really righteous books anyones read that they really liked.? I’ve already read all the twilight books. 1} The book of time 1-3: the golden circleBy Guillaume Prevost2} The guardians of ga’house …

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Dragons Through History

March 8th, 2010

The Dragon has played an important part in myths and religions since pre-historic times. The history of dragons goes back at least six thousand years, and there are dragon tales and legends from every continent except Antarctica. In almost every culture, and all throughout history, there are stories of these mythical and magical creatures called dragons. Different people have various theories of why so many cultures developed such a long lasting belief in dragons; however, none can actually be proven.


Many believe that dragons were what we now call dinausaurs. It may be that dragon stories partly grew out of people finding dinosaur bones. The thought is that when dragon bones were dug up later, they were given the new classification of dinosaur. Many evolutionists believe that dinosaurs became extinct millions of years before man walked the planet, while others claims dispute this. It is said that dinosaur fossils, which have been discovered along with human footprints and remains, add proof to the ancient people’s history of dragons. Others feel that people forgot that dragons were ever real, and quickly faded into mythology.


In almost every culture and all throughout history there are stories of these magical creatures called dragons. Later, in Europe these dragons in art forms were thought to be real life animals rather than symbols of evil.


Throughout many cultures, dragons may have appeared different, but they have always retained the same basic core elements. When most people think of dragons they generally think of fire breathing monsters, but originally dragons were usually connected with water. To the ancient Chinese, dragons were not creatures of fire, as so many would think, but rather creatures of water. The dragon of the Chinese resided in rivers, lakes, pools and rose in great clouds of mist to promote rainfall. In earlier Mideast stories, the dragons are most often associated with water and wisdom. Historians use this conection with water to distinguish dragons from other mythical animals.


While the east feels that the dragon is a divine, mythical creature that brings good fortune, prosperity and bounty, western dragons are viewed differently. They are connected to the element fire, and they fling their colossal tails about, and viciously create destruction. The contrary views of the east and the west indicate opposing views where humans viewed dragons as a symbols of wisdom and peace, or symbols of chaos and evil. Neither would disagree that dragons were viewed as powerful creatures. This, along with the wide variance in the physical description of dragons, contributes to confusion in the definition of a dragon.


The humans revered the dragons, some clans even calling them gods. Hence, dragons were held in high regard, and their images kept and worn, to win their approval. Originally, it was believed that dragons were the ones who talked directory to the Gods. It was also thought at this time that earthquakes were caused by battles between dragons and gods. In history, many different cultures began to adopt the idea of gods fighting with dragons to restore order.


The dragon may be ancient, but it remains as influential today as it did four thousand years ago. Today, the popularity of fantasy, and such role-playing games as Dungeons and Dragons, means that dragon figurines are a hot commodity.


Online stores promoting dragon items have popped up including http://www.dragon-gifts.com

Fran Black

Francesca Black has long been a fan of dragons with Dragon Gifts http://www.dragon-gifts.com and http://www.mystical-creatures.com

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Please comment on my 2nd fantasy story?

March 6th, 2010

Lilka ran.
Birds cried.
Some ways ahead, she glimpsed a wooly gray cloak swish out of sight beyond a hill…Stanislaw. Her dark eyes widened in recognition.
“Stanislaw!” she chirruped. “Wait for me, my lamb! My wizard!”
The wind kissed her bonny face, tangled her skirts. She cried out in laughter and swept her arms about like pinwheels. Glitter shot from her fingertips, dusting the sky in cottony pink. Her heart drummed fast and sharp. Despite, her heart was light with an unexpected joy.
Springtime rushed past in its vivid blur. The sun bathed her face in heat, made her inky locks shine rosily. Daffodils and poppies carpeted the grass under her bare feet. She danced among them like a flower herself, all springy and glowing. Shade from the surrounding maple trees dappled everything spotty. Magenta Prairie was stunning.
She flew down the hillock, chasing that silver cloak. But alas! Stanislaw was not to be found. Where was he? She pondered it for a second. He had to be close by, perhaps behind a tree. Or mayhap he had magicked himself invisible! She sprinted faster in fervent pursuit, so fast that the world disappeared. Pale sapphire was the sky. Red and yellow specks blistered under her eager feet.
“Lilka!” It was his voice!
“Are you there?”
Lilka came to a jittery stop, dizzy. Her legs felt like jelly. Sweat dampened her neck. One thing she knew for certain: she had run forever. Forever constituted…eighteen long and desolate years? Yes, she was eighteen. How had time slid past her so slyly? Ten years ago seemed nonexistent, even five…thirteen was none so complicated as eighteen, especially for a woman. Then the world lurched, rotated…looked gauzelike….
“I’m right here! Open your eyes, fool-lady!” It was her sweetheart again, talking to her from nowhere.
“Where are you?” she yelled breathlessly, getting more frustrated by the second.
But there was no time to be angry. The world was spinning too fast, spiraling into nothingness. Her heart had stopped beating so fiercely. In fact, now it hardly beat at all. She felt made of wood. Each eyelid weighed millions. She couldn’t lift them, couldn’t lift this nightmarish daze. Fear and trepidation goggled through her veins, gripped her with their vise-like hands.
Then, suddenly, the soles of her feet collided into something waxy and velvety. Had she been flying? She certainly hadn’t felt anything solid under her feet since everything sped up so wild.
Lilka gazed. Far and wide, a sea of blooms scoured the land: ruby-petaled poppy bulbs and sunny, bold daffodils. They shimmered beautifully. Next, her head dropped and she gazed no more. Black hair pushed itself around her face. It had lost its auburn sheen.
In truth, the entire of Magenta Prairie had lost its luster. Clusters of maple trees, once so green and verdant, faded to a chalky stain. Pastel powder piled up on the brittle branches. The perfectly blue sky fell away to rows of milky haze. This fog dispersed itself doggedly, fluttering like a disease, infectious among the lovely blossoms. Lilka could no longer see the cheerful red and yellow heads. She no longer heard the shrieks of birdsong; no longer saw the glorious golden sun. It nearly broke her heart, seeing the fairytale land crumble.
In all this uproar of nature, she had squeezed her eyes shut. Cool scuttled across her face, danced upon her eyelashes and froze them. The temperature dropped severely. White flakes wheeled from the heavens, zigzagging in the still air.
“No, my fairy story…you don’t exist, don’t survive,” she told herself, with eyes still screwed shut. “Nothing’s here, I’m not really here either.”
Even life, capricious though it was, couldn’t play such an imaginary trick as this.
Lilka opened her frozen eyes. Her bare feet were dusted in a fine layer of snow. Yet they were not cold, not even wet.
“Lilka, what’s the matter…?” a blurry voice cried out, shocking in its concern. It whispered, “Awaken.”
Then she closed her eyes again. A shiver raced up her body.
The voice said, “Snow is harmless for the most part, anyways.”
***
When Lilka did at last awaken, it was to the horrid sound of scraping. Digging…the iron clunk of a shovel.
“What’s going on?” she said, her words jumbled like potpourri.
She was cold, freezing cold. Goosebumps pricked their way up her arms and legs. All around was the blinding white glow of snow. Above stretched a black cobweb of tree branches. They were blanketed in sleeves of snow. For a confused second, she wondered if she was still dreaming.
“No, I’m awake,” she told herself resolutely.
“Ah yes, you are,” a voice said.
Lilka pushed herself up on her elbows. She wore a snowy white robe. The sleeves were lace-edged and billowy. Gently, she brushed her fingers across the fabric. It was dry…dry and stiff. However, underneath, she wore a thick black gown. Its woolen material had soaked up much of the melting snow, and thus was slightly damp.
“Who s-said that?” she swept h
“Who s-said that?” she swept her frost-dusted hair off her shoulders and gazed about for who had spoken. When she didn’t see him immediately, she whispered, “Stanislaw?”
“Miss, I’m not Stanislaw and I’ve no idea what’s going on,” he spoke again.
Still he remained invisible.
Now a little bothered by this whole act, she scrambled to her feet and flapped her robe and gown to rid them of powder. “Show yourself! I know you’re there…this is no dream!”
To her great surprise, a man stepped from behind a knotted bush….
Lilka nearly jumped from her skin and bones. It was awful. It was awful the way he looked at her, the way his cold eyes drilled into hers, awful the way he sauntered towards her catlike. Long black hair fell over his face to shroud his eyes silent. However, the way he walked was still horrid. It was slow and menacing, predatory and stalking.
“What do you want, M-mister?” she cried. “I beg of you, don’t hurt me!”
“Aye, don’ hur’ the girl, Atanazy…” A woman’s voice this time
“Aye, don’ hur’ the girl, Atanazy…” A woman’s voice this time…
Lilka leapt into the air in a strange, wild fright. She nearly stumbled and her eyes kept darting about madly. This was a nightmare…she must still be asleep. After all, was she being cornered? Did this sinister man before her have companions just as wicked?
“Y-yes,” she stammered in a soft voice, “I’m a-asleep, it’s only a nightmare, only a….”
Then everything happened so unbelievably fast that Lilka could hardly keep up with it all. The dark-haired one, with a twisted smile afflicting his face, kept sauntering towards her. His fleecy black boots cut deep circles in the frost. The velvet cloak he wore—it was pine green, not gray—slipped across the snow, bobbing behind him.
But that was not the fast part….
Someone burst from a snow pile in an explosion of white powder. With skinny, gloved fingers outstretched and blonde hair unruly, she rushed at the man like a killer.
“You better stop!” she screamed. “You demon!”
Wi
With that, she leapt on top of him and pulled them both to the ground. Buried deep in the snow, Lilka had a hard time seeing anything. She was nearly frozen with shock. What on earth was going on?
Snow and fleece and dark hair flew like fabric in a sewing mill. Lilka saw only seconds of the fury: the blonde lady’s face, marred by her seething expression…the man’s scowl, sharp white teeth and red mouth…torn emerald velvet….
The blonde lady, noticeably exasperated, stopped suddenly. Pinned helplessly into the drifts of snow, the man had not a chance. She had a gloved hand pressed around his forearm, the other clapped over his mouth, and her knees on top of his thighs. A fiendish grin slit her face and she pulled something glittery from a pocket. Lilka strained to see, for she had taken several steps backward in alarm. Was that a knife? Whatever the object was, the man clearly grew very frightened. His distressed mumbles and violent movements choked up Lilka’s senses. She bit her lip in
She bit her lip in sorrow, torn between two sides. Dark tears welled in her big eyes.
Gripping it tight, the lady drew back the shiny thing and, with a terrible slowness, plunged it forward. Lilka pinched her eyes together and wrung her hands, hopping in circles and feeling sick.
“Aha! Victory for me!” came the woman’s shrill cry. “You girl! Come here and see! Come to reap the wonders of a victory well met!”
But Lilka had started to cry. She submerged her face in the dry white lace of her robe. She stared into the soft darkness. Hot tears surged in her eyes. They met her tongue and tasted salty. Her face felt tense, her emotions prickly.
“Why?” she sobbed thickly. “Why? Why?”
Quiet, tentative footsteps penetrated her lacy shelter. Lilka smelled something metallic…and beyond that, something mild and sweet. However, she only wept harder. She wept loudly and recklessly.

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